Sunday, July 24, 2011


Amongst the many treats on YouTube is a clip of me singing with a certain Big Band. No names, no pack drill. The accompanying photo should in no way be taken as a clue or hint as to the band or song to which I am referring.

Anyway, as usual, I have control over the comments that go up. I vet everything. Of course - I'm a control freak. You may say what you like, but only if I like it. As I sang in my opening number at the St Caths Plus Variety Show recently - 

"The ego of the actor / has the subtlety of a tractor
So comments that are audible / Should always be laudable..."  

Singers, if anything, are even more thin-skinned than their thespian fellows. We just need to be loved, dahling. 

Well. Over the past three days I have been receiving notification of comments for the aforementioned video clip. One thoughtful person has been offering me critiques that sound kind of familiar from somewhere (where?); here's the first they sent:  Not very good at all. Very pitchy.Very Flat at 1:56 and 2:34

I think 2:34 is sharp, personally, and worse - distorted by bad microphone technique. But I tell you what - somebody hiding behind a pseudonym on a website doesn't get to say that. And I was left huffing about it all day. The cheek! Of course I didn't approve their comment. No bloody chance. So yesterday they tried again. This time they offered (and again the words are strangely familiar): Who told you you could sing?

Oh I was cross. Cross enough to think that I wished I knew who it was so I could reply - who told you you could listen? Who told you you could be rude on somebody else's website? You'll imagine that this comment also failed to get posted. 

But then today this person surpassed themselves. And it was at this point that the penny finally dropped. At last I recognised the play book my web judge has been using all along. Just one word came on the YouTube Service email this evening: Horrible. 

It's Simon Cowell isn't it? 

I'm being cyber-stalked by a Simon Cowell wannabe who thinks that if they keep being nasty, eventually I'm going to publish their brilliantly witty and insightful comments on my singing! The thing is, the Horrible comment actually made me laugh out loud... So I'm thinking of posting it. Except if I do, will I encourage this mad person, or stop them? And if I stop them, what will I miss out on tomorrow? "That's positively the worst audition I've ever heard. Seriously." 

What do you reckon? Come on, I'd like you to send me votes to post now or suggestions for more Cowell put-downs I should be expecting. I'll publish the best ones - & if crazy stalker actually continues I'll award fictional prizes for the most accurate guesses too! 

This is Cyber-Stalker Idol!


Anonymous said...

I don't want you to post this cos I m not witty enough with a comment. But just to say I have always enjoyed your singing both jazz and praise music. We missed you enormously yesterday and know others did too. I would never put anything on line to pull any one down, I think you are right they are wanting to build a reputation. It looks lovely where you are , still pray for you. ...... Joyce

Marcus Green said...

Well, sorry to disappoint you Joyce - but I think you say something worth saying! (And I don't mean the nice things about me!)

It's easy to be negative on the web, especially when you can do it anonymously. It's one of the reasons I won't allow any unattributed comments on here: people have to own up to who they are when they say something. But also, you know it's fine to have an opinion, and to not like something. But we have to understand the effect of our opinions on others - and that's quite tricky. None of us gets that right! The best we can do is to (hand on heart) never mean to pull someone else down; avoiding personal comments is the easiest way to ensure we don't fall into that trap. And remembering the people we are talking about are also people should make a difference.
But I fail on this - don't write in with examples, I know they are all over the place! The challenge is for us to love our neighbour without that falling into having no opinions or just saying nice things without meaning them.
Honesty & integrity - I'll take them over a witty answer any day.
But I'll take witty answers too!

joystep7 said...

Well as you have printed my comment I will comment further to say'carry on singing and it will be interesting to see how like Simon he may go. Allthough to be honest I found myself often agreeing with Simon in his constructive criticism. I will be reading with interest if your S.C wannabe does manage to say anything useful. ... Horrible is just not descriptive for your voice or your interpretations of any songs I have heard you sing.Joyce

Anonymous said...

Don't tell me this is your first encounter with a 'Troll'?

Someone who engages in conversation on the internet, purposefully to start arguments and cause offence.

It's a strangely alluring hobby.


joystep7 said...

Interesting Mark what does Troll stand for do you think.....I love differences of opinions because we are all so different,I have disagreed with you.....but I do enjoy the fun,but not happy with nasty....Love do not feed the troll.Joyce