Thursday, December 24, 2015


The remarkable news is that many people again received actual Christmas cards from me this year.

Unfortunately, you probably weren't one. 

That's because "many" actually means "more than three". So this is my appallingly weak apology to the rest of my friends and family. It's not that you are second best or that I love you less. Well, not much less. It's just that I looked at the list before me and realised you knew already in your heart of hearts that the chances of getting a card from me was very slight, and so I didn't want to disappoint you. By overachieving.

Anyway, nothing I could have written (and those who got cards realise that all I wrote was "squiggle, squiggle, even more indecipherable squiggle") could have beaten some of the Christmas letters I received. 

I haven't changed nationality, species, hair colour, address details with Barack Obama, my mind over anything all year. That apart, it's been a very exciting twelve months.

So exciting that I can't really find the words to describe it. Which is a mercy to all of us. So really, all I can do is exclaim - 

Happy Christmas! Which is the point of this message. Or, to those of you who became Corbynites this year, Happy Christmas Comrades! Or to this of you yet to see the new Star Wars movie, ***** ******** (plot spoilers removed). Or to Man United supporters, Happy Christmas 2016. Hopefully. 

God bless us, every one.