Monday, May 28, 2012


I had an op on my back in February.

Last week, the lump I had removed re-appeared, re-covering the same area that was so viciously cut and torn out four months ago. The healing took weeks. The unhealing, hours.

To be fair I was told the problem might recur. It has a name. I looked it up just now & recoiled. The stories I read were worse than mine. I had the lump maybe two and a half years before the op. Others talk of much longer. And of several ops. And several recovery periods. There's a one in four thousand chance you have this too. Last week, thanks to this problem, I discovered pain the like of which I have never known.

I almost headed to A&E (the ER for US readers) for a quick resolution; the medical centre opted for horse drugs instead. Feeling groovy & in pain was, in retrospect, the better call. The pain is subsiding.

And through it all, I work. I had three days off, but worked from home as best as I could for most of those days. I had reports to do; or, rather, one big one. It still needs finishing. Most of my job involves reconnecting with people, and if I can't travel, I can't do this. This is the worst kind of thing to be stuck with for this kind of work. For any kind of work. The doctor I saw said, "I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy". I tried to think of who my worst enemy might be. He followed that observation up with, "it's an awful thing to have hanging around your neck". I replied that I'd prefer to have it hanging around my neck to where it actually is.

I'm not sure that's true.

Our bodies are wonderful things. Curious, fragile, glorious, fearless. Beyond price and able to make us feel quite worthless.

"How are you?" I have been asked a hundred times today.

Better than on Friday. Not entirely myself. Recovering.

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