Celebration Again!

So we were on the radio again yesterday. Click here for the BBC Wales Celebration site, and then click on "Listen Again" - but only upto June 23rd!!! After that, it will be the next church in the rota that you will hear, and not us at all.

Reflections. After the Easter broadcast, I gave a measured response. The broadcast did what I wanted - told the Easter story really well with a huge cast of people involved, and the singing and speaking were all well recorded; but the band was superb 'live', and that just hadn't been as well recorded as I would have hoped, or indeed as well recorded as the BBC did last time they came.

This one was very different - much more reflective in tone, basically it is three poetic mediations on worship, with songs and short prayers. Again, the singing and speaking is well recorded. But this time, the band (though it's not perfect, but I guess that's 'live' work and limited time for you) comes over much, much better.

There are also fewer speaking voices involved, but they are all fantastic. Kevin Ellis, Gill Tuck and Stewart Franklin read the meditations, whilst Naomi and I lead the service. Kev, Gill and Stewart are phenomenal. Charlotte Ellis sings "Here I am to worship" as a solo - really great.

I am absolutely delighted. Really moved. Welling up with worship. Regular readers (and there a handful of you!) please click the link and listen before the end of this week. And let me know what you think.

I had an amazing time writing these services; I have just had an amazing time listening, and worshipping.

So though at the time it was a lot of hard work, this makes it worth while. I'm glad you rang up and asked us to do it Karen: thank you.

Live on Five at Six Fifteen

At six fifteen-ish this evening, Peter Allen on the evening news on Radio Five Live said -

"We've had an email from Marcus in Pontypridd. He writes:

'I received a letter in the post this morning:

Dear Sir or Madam - The Greater London Low Emission Zone - how could it effect you?

Here's my address: The Vicarage, Gelliwastad Grove, Pontypridd, Wales CF37 2BS.

There's a nice leaflet and a website. I checked on the "Area of Operation" link, and Pontypridd isn't inside it. I wondered if any other listeners from even further afield have been treated to this leaflet, or if I am special?'

So has anyone else had this leaflet about the Low Emission Zone - whatever that is? Let us know!"

"Especially if you are outside London" added Jane, his co-presenter.

And within minutes, from Barnsley, Worksop and Glasgow people were emailing in. So the Mayor of London seems to be less green than he thinks, given that this mailing went out to thousands of people who had absolutely no need for it. Oops.

Actually, Peter didn't read the Gelliwastad Grove bit. Clearly he felt that detail was (a) beyond his North London ability, or (b) just too much detail. Though he did read the post code. So I'm thinking (a).

Hooray anyway! A successful email on Drive! My first!

Who will buy?

Just another plug.

Except this time, you don't have to go anywhere to do something about it. Just scroll down to the bottom of the page and you can listen to snippets and also (importantly!) purchase tracks from Every Breath from the Music Store here on the blog!

See how thoughtful I am? How kind, giving, and ready to resource your every need?

If I could work out how to make Salvation's Song an e-book, I'd do that too!

Florida

So I never got round to blogging about my trip to Florida after Easter. Time I put that right.

Here's my sister, Gill, outside her pad in Zephyrhills. It's evening, so it's cool, mid to high seventies, and she's pottering around in the garden. Funny, when we were kids, she hated the garden. Maybe when I'm as old as she is, I'll have green fingers too.

This is Ben, my nephew, and Lucy the dog, lounging by the pool out the back of the house.
Ben is now nearly eleven, and bright as anything. About to change up to middle school, he is struggling with choices. Should he do band? Or chorus? Or elective wheel? (Whatever that is.) Band, says my sister, is where the nerdy kids go. But it's what he wants to do - go for it Ben! Look at me, it did me no harm. I'd make the same choice.

Though there are those who might claim I was one of the nerdy kids. But heck, if getting top grades all through school and claiming a place at the top university in the country and still knowing enough trivia to win Tim Hughes' music quiz means I'm a nerd, I can live with it.

Here's Gill walking the dog. Both of them enjoying the exercise. Not a lot of walking going on. Ben is on his scooter behind them. I'm looking at the red car...

Actually it was a great trip. Gill's job now means I see a lot more of her when I go over - her hours work out much better, or they did this time. I used to just chill by the pool and see her briefly in the evening, but this time we had whole days together! And that was a lot of fun.

As was meeting up with Chris Berryman, an old friend from Maryland who now lives not far away. He's here with Kurt, his friend who works at Disney and very generously took me round for a day. We had a great time - though by the end, my feet were bearing the marks of too much sun!

I hadn't seen Chris for far too many years, but it really was like only yesterday, the way we instantly began to joke and enjoy the time together. And then chat theology and work through really deep issues. Friendships mean the world to me; it was a great joy to renew this one.

One last picture. Me in "France" at Epcot. Just to prove I was there. This has become (for a while anyway) my main photo on MySpace. It has been years since I could fit into this Man Utd shirt! So I'm just showing off. And being thankful - it was a great holiday, a great time with Gill and Ben, and then with Chris and also with Kurt, and I look forwards to going back soon.

Pop Quiz

I spent a very enjoyable day at the start of the week with Al Gordon and Tim Hughes on the Worship Central worship leaders' retreat at Malshanger House, the little place in the country that HTB keep for such events.

I arrived in time for supper on the first evening, followed by a music quiz. Al seemed pleased when he heard of my of my previous quiz exploits.

Now it may just be that there are one or two other people out there ignorant of those exploits...

So here we go. This is me with Anne Robinson on the Weakest Link about four years ago. I only entered cos another friend wanted to audition. He was never called up. Me? Well, you don't think I'd be telling this story if I came second, do you?

You do?

Shame on you!

You're right. That photo could be anyone. Let's do better.

Count the ticks next to my name. For the record, the answers "ZZ Top", "Swansea" and "France", preceded by copious amounts of looking straight into the camera for effect, won me the game.

And (back to Worship Central) Al Gordon seemed quite pleased with this. Strangely I ended up on his team for the evening's music quiz... and I have to say that with the amount of competetive spirit between us, we could have set up a brewery!!! Of course we won. Even Tim's attempts to level the playing field by setting us foreign language worship song charades couldn't stop us. (How would you mime "Agnes Dei"? How did I do it? Successfully!)

So it was with enormous good grace that the assembled throng of worship leaders from all over the globe listened to my talks the following morning.

And with great grace that I was able to deliver them. I am struggling through one of my periodic depressive patches. Monday was a hyper day. I've been suffering for it since. The good thing is that the patches of up and down are switching more frequently now, and as they do that, though life is a bit of a roller coaster, it normally means the depression is on its way to burning itself out. Through the night on Monday I was so hyper I couldn't sleep; still, that gave me lots of chance to pray, and that's what I mean about delivering the talks with grace - a sense of gifted answer to prayer.

Just being there in that amazing place was a gift; being there with such wonderful people was a gift; being able to share some of the Salvations Song stuff was a terrific gift of which I never tire. God is good; and these hard days are filled with moments of glory to remind me of his goodness.

Tea with the Cousins

Here am I with American friends, Tory Baucum and JD Walt, in London last week.

Tory and I have known each other for years - since before his hair turned grey and mine turned loose, as he once said, introducing me to preach. He is a good man, a servant of God through tough times, and is about to take on the rectorship of Truro Church in Virginia, where he will be a great blessing.

JD is a newer friend. Dean of Chapel at Asbury Seminary in Kentucky, we met first a couple of years back when I went over there to teach on a course Tory was running. He has a heart for worship, and the soul of a poet. It has been my privilege to get to know him.

The fourth member of our party, Mimi, is taking the photo. She was a delight - and gave me endless opportunity to talk about my second favourite subject - myself.

We had a good day, wandering, seeing some art in the National Gallery, chatting theology, comparing views on American Idol. In life, God gifts us with such friends - and such precious moments - to share the deep and the trivial and to realise that in vastly different cultures we share one God who loves us all the same.

Hell-o, goodbye

Whilst I was out having the dog trimmed yesterday (and he looks great, by the way – I think I should have my hair cut now) a friend of mine was having a long blog chat about her problems with hell.

Basically she wonders if she is a proper Christian because she doesn’t believe in a classically drawn up hell; which seems to me to be a very Christian position to hold! The following was my very long response, based on two questions…

And as her conversation had moved on from that initial topic by the time I got into it, I entitled my diatribe:OK – let’s go back to hell. As it were.

Before I ask my first question, I think I need to point out that I ask this question because I want to engage with the Scriptures. This, after all, is what an evangelical should do, isn't it? So I realise that for many evangelicals, my question will seem strange, because we work with a system that has given reference points, but actually some of those reference points sometimes owe quite a lot to historical theology and biblical interpretation, and not quite as much to actual BIBLE as we imagine.

I think hell is one of these issues.

Let me ask my first question. Do people have an eternal soul?

The basic answer we give to this (i.e. "yes") is a Greek answer. Because if you search the Old Testament, it is quite hard to come to that conclusion. It is quite hard to come to any conclusion about the soul from the OT, because Hebrew thinking really does not separate the soul, the "spiritual bit" of a person, from the body. The NT appears to say more, but when read with Jewish eyes (and I always think that if we have a theology that we know Jesus could not have had - i.e. a totally Gentile one, it probably needs some work) lots of those references don't come across so much as the spiritual part of a person so much as the spiritual longing of a person, which is quite a different concept.

Indeed, Jesus himself clearly argues against the idea of everyone having an eternal soul (in that classic Greek sense) in one of the best known chapters of the NT. Can't place it? Go read John 3 again and come back.What is all that "born again" stuff except the need for a spiritual birth without which we are not spiritually alive? (Read that sentence again to get the full meaning of it.)

Or try St Paul. Try one of the evangelist's favourite proof texts: Romans 6.23. Sin is separation from God. Its result - death. But the free gift of God to all who trust in Christ - eternal life.

So - my second question is - Where does hell fit here? If eternity is only the gift of God to the believer, where does a mediaeval hell fit here? The only need for such a place is if EVERYONE has an eternal "soul". Then there needs to be a place to put the outsider (should there be outsiders).

Seems to me the Scripture again and again makes it clear - eternal life is the gift of God to his beloved children who have a share in the resurection life of his Son. Apart from that - death. Perishing. Darkness. A weeping at judgement, then, nothing. All else is a metaphor. Not a stick to beat people into the kingdom, but a sadness beyond its bounds. Jesus is the Lord of life. There can be no life beyond him. And no point in life with him, if people do not want it - for love has been over-ridden and becomes not-love. Love must be free, and must be love.

Within British evangelicalism this position (or variants upon it) is held by people like Tom Wright, John Stott and other major players. And they would all be recognised as evangelicals. It comes from a desire to explore Scripture, not to avoid unseemly doctrine. Historical doctrine you see also has a context and a culture of its own - it is not per se perfect. We ourselves humbly need to recognise we may not get everything right, but we are right to ask questions and to struggle with these issues. So - I think you do not fall outside either Christianity or even evangelicalism for having questions re a classical drawing of hell. And if fear is used as a motivation to point people to Jesus by some, I have major issues with such "evangelism" - what is good news here? How many times do we see Jesus using fear as his major motivation? Healing the sick, casting out demons, telling people God is at hand, scaring the living daylights out of gullible people - one of these methods does not seem to be New Testament!

Do I believe in hell?

I believe in God: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Passionately. And I believe that the way to know the Father is through the Son in the power of the Spirit. And I want to help people to share in this amazing relationship of love and joy and power.

I believe that the Scriptures contain all we need to help us on the way, and that God speaks to us today to help us understand his word. And that if we share this life together, as his body, we can change the world for good.

I believe that being a Christian isn't about having an insurance policy for the heareafter (though I believe that this life is but an overture, and one day the hints of themes and melodies I am catching today will be revealed in fulness and glory)but about knowing God right now, making today better - for me and those around me. I believe I am here to worship him, and to draw as many with me in that life journey of worship as I can.

And I believe that God is good, that he loves people, and that Jesus shows this time and time again, especially on the cross and at the resurrection. Are you in danger of falling out of his hand? His hands are too big, and too loving for that. He has made you with a wonderful mind: don't be afraid of using it or ashamed of asking your questions in his name. He loves those questions and the mind and heart that has the power and the integrity to come up with them.

I've changed my mind. Let's not go back to hell. I couldn't find it if I tried. I wouldn't know where to look. There ain't no directions in my guidebook.

Healing Questions

Last week I drove the 500-mile round trip to Harrogate for the annual New Wine leaders' conference. Gloriously, as an international delegate (it's a very English thing, and being a Welsh vicar, that makes me international) I had been offered total hospitality by New Wine, which I was delighted to accept.

I sometimes love New Wine, and sometimes do not. Their values of charismatic ministry and evangelical emphasis on the Bible are important to me; however it can all feel a bit culturally upper middle class, and that isn't really where I am at.

Bruce Collins is now heading up New Wine Cymru, and I like Bruce a lot. He is gloriously disorganised sometimes, but wonderfully godly, and even when I find myself disagreeing with him, (as when he was heading up New Wine's publishing arm and would'nt publish my book) I still warm to him. He rang me and asked me to go to this conference - and I am thrilled he did - it was outstanding.

The main speaker was Bill Johnson from Redding in California. Of all that he said, two things stood out to me.

First, a challenge on attitudes to healing. So often we focus on what God is not doing, rather than on what he is doing. So - we pray, and somebody is healed, but others are not, and we focus on pastoring those who have received nothing rather than the one who was healed.

Bill questioned this in a way that seems at first offensive - "so we just leave those who are hurting?" is how I was left feeling. How can that be right?

But Bill wants to see a movement away from this pastoring to an ongoing encounter with the work of God as better care of God's people. The movement away from the "why did God not heal?" question, which cannot be answered, and which lies at the heart of such pastoring, to a totally different question - "what do we do next", which can be answered, and which can point to blessing others and to generosity which itself heals when we have been left grieving - this is brilliant pastoring and great theology, and something so obvious I have never seen it before.

A friend of mine put it this way. Her husband died of a brain tumour. She often prays for people to be healed, but never prays for people with brain tumours. Why not? Because if they get healed, she has to ask "Why?" again - why this person and not my husband, and all the old pain returns. If pastoring peopole who get no answer revolves around the "Why" question, this is how we are left.

But now after last week at this conference, she sees that she wants to pray for people with brain tumours. What made the difference? Because she knows she will never understand why her husband died; but if she prays for someone else, they might get healed, and that family will never have to face what she has faced, and that has to be better. If she prays, there is a chance of healing, and that has to be better than no chance for someone else. It is called generosity, it is called love, it is called Christianity.

It is called challenging! And life-changing, and thought-provoking and far from simple, and a real revolution in attitudes. And I found it profound and godly.

So when we pray, we focus on the small answers we do see, and we pray again. And next time we may see more. Or the time after. We may never get the answer we want, but through our prayers someone else might, and that is reason enough to pray - unless we only pray selfishly? Surely the ability to care for others and turn our loss to love for others is itself good pastoral care?

The "why did God not do this for me?" question may need to be visited; but not as a final destination, not as a resting place. It has no real answer, and therefore if we keep it, it will simply keep and consume us. "What next?" can have an answer, and therefore a life beyond it.

Secondly, Bill encouraged us to dream dreams for our churches. If we won't who will? And if we think God will, I guess he will - but he has given us a role to play, so we should play it. So I have been praying for dreams for St Catherine's.

And in my dreams, I see a worshipping community that heals people. Including me.
A worshipping community that refreshes people.
A worshipping community where the poorest are decked out in finery as princes and princesses in God's kingdom.
A place where I get to baptise the children of those who come to faith here. Generations of faith.
A place where we cannot stand for the blessing he will pour upon us.
And though I will be invited out from this place, I will always preach here first what I will take out - the blessing will be first for here, and then for elsewhere.

We had a tunnel of prayer one night, and I prayed in that place for more dreams for my church. I have been dreaming ever since. Lord, grant me more dreams, and more, and more. And make them real.

And thank God for New Wine, and Bruce's invitation.

Glory, Glory

On the terraces at Old Trafford the Battle Hymn of the Republic of Manchester soars out - "Glory, Glory, Man United! Glory, Glory, Man United! Glory, Glory, Man United! And the Reds go marching on on on!"

And so they do. All Reds everywhere this morning find themselves basking in our ninth Premiership title. Ninth out of fifteen, it's not a bad record. The pundits keep writing Fergie off, and for sure we have our moments of grizzling away at him, but he's done it again for us - created a new team that is the best in the land.

Chelsea's Russian Revolution has stumbled; and the Florida sunshine is shining at Old Trafford a little more brightly today. The Glazer take-over has beaten the Abramovich billions, for now anyway, and on Wednesday evening the scene will be completed as United will stroll out onto Chelsea's home turf to be applauded as champions for the first time by the Blue part of London. Who writes these scripts? Hats off to them - it couldn't possibly be any better!

And for once, it feels like most people in the country are happy for United to have done it. For Chelsea have also taken the "most hated club in the land" title away from us, and I for one am happy for them to keep that a little longer.

So - messers Rooney, Ronaldo, Giggs, Scholes, Smith, Vidic, Ferdinand, Carrick, Neville, Heinze, Evra, O'Shea, Brown, Van der Sar, Park, Fletcher, Silvestre, Saha, Richardson, Eagles, all squad members, and mostly Ferguson - many thanks.

And here's to the FA Cup.

Losing fifty pounds: the secret of contentment

It wasn't an accident this time. So don't worry.

And I haven't been gambling, so get up off your knees, my soul is safe.

It's the best fifty pounds I ever lost - not that I'm in the habit of losing fifty pounds regularly, I'm a vicar, and can't afford to do that!

And I seriously hope it isn't simply mislaid, and that when I say "lost", I mean "lost", never to be re-found.

For, of course, I don't mean £50 at all. I mean 50lb. Just over three and a half stone for the UK readership. Back in September I weighed in at 14 stone 10lb - 206 pounds for our colonial friends. 89 kilos. Today I hit 11 stone 2 lb - 156 pounds. 71 kilos. That's a reduction of just under a quarter of my body weight in just over seven months.

How and why?

Let's start with why. So I got old in November. 40. I'm short, losing my hair, fat and ageing. One of these four factors is in my control!

How? Discipline. I took most sugar out of my diet - I drink a lot of Coke but switched to Coke Zero. Dessert is my favourite meal of the day - and it went. For a while completely, for a while just reduced severely.

And as my friend Ricky points out, the drugs do work. As an ongoing migraine preventative I swapped from Pizotifen (side effect: weight gain) to Topiramate (side effect: weight loss) in September. The information sheet that comes with the tablets includes this helpful line: "If you are losing too much weight...the amount of food being eaten should be increased." Well, that's clear!

The thing is, these tablets have given me a metabolism I haven't had since my early twenties. I can eat almost anything and not gain weight. If I just eat normally, I lose weight. So I eat well, and stay put. If I want to shed a pound or two, I eat normally - not frugally. This can't last, but for now, it's like finding the goose that lays the golden egg!

And I haven't been down to this weight since leaving Aberystwyth in '99 - and that summer it was due to hard work, involving a strict diet and lots of exercise.

Let's get this in perspective. St Paul talks about those people whose "god is their stomach", and when I see all the diet stuff around, I wonder if he means that as well rather than just people who simply gorge themselves. Contentment is about being happy however life finds you, because circumstance doesn't rule you.

But at 40, and having given up and felt that I was now always going to be the chubby kid in the class, to get back to being my old shape again does feel good. And it makes me wonder what else have I settled for that need not be the case?

Because contentment is not about settling for less. Yet sometimes as I grow older I find that settling for less becomes acceptable. These last months have shown me there is a difference, and I need to spot that difference, be content in all things, yet continue to strive for a life that settles for nothing less than all I can achieve.

My church is growing a bit. Lord, grow it more. In faith and number, please.

I am enjoying doing musical things again - Lord I pray for more opportunities, and more time to develop these skills again, to make the most of them, not to think that I've gone as far as I can.

Suddenly there are kids here who want to grow in worship leading skills - Lord give me a passion to pass on all I have learned and imbibed over the years, that they might thrive.

Losing weight - losing complacency - gaining new vigour and new contentment. And the old dog is learning new tricks.

Listen on the Web!

St Catherine's broadcast on the BBC today - and by the way: Happy Easter! In case you missed it, click Here is the link, and then click on the "listen again" button. But you have to listen between today, April 8th, and April 14th 2007, as after this week the link will still be there, but you will be listening again to the next church to be broadcast!

I am happy with the spoken element, but a little disappointed with the BBC recording of our music, which 'live' had rather more to it than you'd guess from this recording. Still - have a listen, and let me know what you think.

Again: Happy Easter!

(later)

On listening again, I think that the BBC did a really great job with the spoken stuff, and the singing is very good too - especially as we could have had more people come to the recording. But I wish you could have heard how amazing the band actually were! Ah well, that's live recording and limited time I guess. I think on the whole I am really pleased - it is a good Easter service that tells the story well. My Asbury friends would recognise my narrative theology!

"Hands on" solutions

This term we have been looking at gifts of the Spirit in our Tuesday home group at church. Last week I did a practical session on how to pray for healing - because the week before people had offered to pray for me, cos they felt they should, but they really had no idea what to do.

Healing prayer isn't magic. It is simple, it is compassionate, it is gentle, it is godly, and it is common sense. I follow the Vineyard "hands on" pattern of prayer, and use a very clinical teaching model - not a technique - as I demonstrate how one might pray. Emotional it is not: we ask the Spirit to come, and trusting him to answer that positively, I then take every opportunity to show teh group step by step what is happening as we pray so that they may learn as much as possible from the experience.

We do ask for someone to volunteer to be prayed for. Kath stepped forward. I don't know how she is over the issue she asked for, but at the end I felt I should add a prayer for her sleep, something she hadn't mentioned. She was really touched by this, as she had been struggling recently and needed help. And has slept well since.

Then I asked for prayer, whilst others prayed for me following what they had learned, and I am pleased to report my migraine stopped at day thirteen - ie on Tuesday night. I have even started sleeping again, which is an added bonus! Recovery after a prolonged migraine is itself a bit of a journey, but one which is going well.

I love being in a church where people learn and discuss and share and experience God together. I love, too, having friends who ring me up afterwards and conduct the most bizarre phone calls... wonderfully de-stressing!

Heads you win...

So it settled. The migraine. This is the end of day eleven, making this the longest migraine I've had since last July. Actually, one brief evening's flicker in November apart, it's the only migraine I've had since then. So no complaints.

The change of medication I had in September has done a great job - and had one significantly positive side effect of which I will write more in the days to come. Before that point, in the first six months of the year I had three migraines - 8, 15 and 22 days in duration.

What causes them? Too many things. Diet has some effect. As does stress. As does the weather. All these things can come together and not cause one. Or seemingly there can be no trigger, and one happens. Given the remarkable stresses of the job since last September, to get this far without so far succumbing is a major triumph. Again, credit to the new drugs, which I take religiously, twice daily.

The length of an attack is the main problem. Fuzziness and forgetfulness and dizzyness and the like are all very amusing in short measure; they grow old quickly. As do the headaches themselves, though these vary in intensity, and darkened rooms etc help - as do simple pain killers (when in industrial strength - thanks, doc) though little else does. Coke can help - Coca Cola, that is; the caffeine sometimes seems to knock the edge off. But it also stops me sleeping. Swings and roundabouts.

I have managed to carve two days at the end of this week in my diary to take as days away; providing I am well enough to drive somewhere. If my balance is bad, that's not a good idea... But sometimes a break away is one way of breaking the cycle. At 15 days I will try anything. At 20 I will be demanding all sorts...

And at 27 days I shall be going on holiday. I hope to be sorted by then. But if stress is a major factor, a holiday will help. Though a migraine lasting 27 days will be a recent record, even by my standards.

Still: perspective. It's a debilitating headache. That's all. God is good, and there are many, many people who would give anything to be so lucky. There was a posting below this, which I have removed, about the Pakistan/Ireland cricket match entitled "Such Games as These". Given all that has happened since, I felt I should remove it, and I should be so lucky as to be able to complain about a migraine.

Accidents do happen

So I am driving up the hill to the spot where I always walk the dog. It's a single track road, pretty wild. And suddenly as I round a corner, there's a cyclist coming at me, really fast. I brake. He brakes. I come out of it better.

I don't hit him. I stop well. I'm driving carefully, cos the road is tricky, and I do it every day. But he is coming downhill towards me and is going fast; he hits his front brake so hard that he goes over his front wheel, smacks onto the road, hits his head with a crack, hits his face, his arms, his legs. He's wearing a helmet, which I think saves his life.

He lies there. I wait, I'm in shock. I call out - are you OK? He moans. I get out of the car. He is lying at the side of the road, his bike in the middle, about ten yards in front of me.

Are you OK? Yes, he says, getting up. His left eye and chin have gravel grazes. His right trouser knee is torn. He is struggling to stand. Sit down, mate, I say. I'm OK, he replies. Then he keels over and hits the road face forwards, eyes going back into his head.

I call an ambulance. I think I am fairly upset at this point. I mean - it's not my fault, it's an accident, and yet it is entirely my fault. If I had set out two minutes later, he'd have reached the wider bit of road. If he'd have been concentrating, he'd not have hit the brakes so hard. If I'd decided to feed the dog before setting out to drive up to out usual walking spot, we'd never have met. He'd be OK.

It's an accident. Accidents do happen.

He comes to, he calls his wife, his daughter answers. I'm feeling terrible. There is a world of people affected by something I'm a part of - but didn't do! The ambulance comes, eventually, but by then he is lucid again, OK, though the second fall gave him matching gravel grazes on the other side of his face. He says it's OK it's not my fault. I leave him with the paramedic.

His name is Dave. He never asks mine, and in classic British style, I never offer it.

MySpace Update

I take it back. Well, not entirely. I mean, the vanity thing holds, all those famous Christians who have a MySpace notwithstanding.

But I take it back, because I have discovered all sorts of things through this experience, which are proving really worthwhile.

1. We have a star in our youth group. Matt Truelove is a 16 year old lad in our youth group, and he has an amazing singing voice. I had no idea. But on his site he has some tracks of him singing some songs, and he is genuinely great. I want to encourage him to go for it, cos I am really impressed.

2. I discovered IM - instant messaging, and have had a couple of enjoyable keyboard conversations with Karen in Maryland via IM. Anyone else out there who does this - let me know!

3. I came across the MySpace of Charlie Groves, old friend of many years ago, and he called me, woke me up yesterday morning, and we had a great chat over the phone. As he now lives in Bristol, I hope we will meet up soon.

4. Friends on MySpace are people who may be really close, or just the most casual of acquaintances. So - on my friends list are people I know really well, passing well, slightly, hardly and one or two I really know not at all. (Though we have "friends" in common, who may I guess come anywhere on that list! Chris Tomlin after all has 50,000 friends. I bet he has problems hosting a birthday bash.)

Plus, I've had fun writing the site and messing with photos. So, a pleasant diversion! Try it!

P.S.
Last night I had a sudden migraine set in. Today I have lived in semi-darkness, and it is diminishing. This is only the second bout in six or seven months, the first lasting only an evening back in November, so the current medication is doing a good job. If this calms down quickly, I remain happy. If it settles in, it will be the first prolonged bout since last summer, and that is pretty good going, and still means that I've had the longest migraine-free period for about 3 years. So I am still giving the current medication good marks. We'll see. However, it remains a bit of a shock after so many months to get such a sharp attack.

Marcus goes MySpace

It's true. Click here and see for yourself.

Last night Karen, the BBC producer, said I should get myself a MySpace site. So today I did. It feels like ultimate vanity. So make me feel better. All you fellow MySpacers out there sign up as my friends.

Anyway, a fair few friends do have sites. And some of them are geunine holy people. And what is the difference between that and this? ...Except that this gets to actually say something, and to listen to your responses, other than just advertise ME.

So I made my blurb appropriately self-deprecating in a double-bluff sort of a way.

Wracked with guilt, clearly.

Sign up, sign up!!!

Record Time

Done. At last. My computer tells me it's eleven twenty six as I start to type this on Monday evening. I've just come in, at the end of my working day.

This evening we recorded two short morning services for BBC Radio Wales. The first will be broadcast on Easter Sunday at 8am, the second on June 17th (which happens to be Father's Day - but which has nothing to do with the subject matter of the service). Both can be accessed via the web for a week after they are broadcast on the BBC Wales site - I'll post a reminder for my faithful overseas listeners!

I opened up the church at 4pm and closed it at 11.15pm. Seven hours. They started recording at 7.10pm and finished at 10.10pm, three hours. Record time I think for two broadcasts that will come in at around twenty four minutes each.

Still, if I will involve a cast of fifteen readers and twelve musicians, and ask the moon from all participating, including children, then what can I expect?

Though would you expect any less of me?

And when you hear the broadcasts, please note this: in all those voices you will hear, mine is amongst them. But only amongst them. For we are starting to be a church here where all sorts of gifts and talents and people willing to use their gifts and talents are coming to the fore. And though these are things that take work and time - they aren't half exciting.

So tonight was time to record; and now it is time to sleep.

The Camera Never Lies...

...but sometimes it has a bit of fun.

No, this is not the local council's latest attempt to remove a turbulent priest and his troublesome flock from their midst! The crane has arrived to do its work in erecting the car park next door to us, and from the right angle it appears to be encroaching upon our territory, but the Church in Wales have forbidden it to do so, and Opco (the construction company) have promised it will not, and the site manager (who is a super chap and very helpful) is making sure everything is being done properly. I think...

However, as I walked down the road this evening, the illusion of this shot was too good to pass up, and I though regular readers might enjoy it.

We were offered a significant sum of money to allow the crane to sail over our land, but the Church in Wales and I agreed that the sum offered came nowhere close to compensating us for any inconvenience we would suffer if any damage were to be done to our building. Insurance is one thing, but the hassle we'd have to put up with, and the the conservation issues raised meant that it was really a no go for us.

So they have erected the crane you see - and its tall, raised arm means it never comes over us, even though it is right next door. Watching it in action is fascinating. A bit like the aliens in War of the Worlds - and an eerily similar noise at times as it turns from one angle to the next! I hear it as I shave first thing in the morning, and hope a death ray won't come through the bathroom window...

And the whole town is finally realising that the building that will go up on that site will be really high, and that my words on the subject may not have been so exaggerated. Does that sound ever so slightly like "I told you so"? Forgive me - I think in the circumstances it isn't wholly terrible of me.

Actually, I have got used to it now. Already I am wondering how it will be a blessing for us, and how we can be a blessing to it. A huge office block/car park, the promise of more shops - this means a lot more people right next to us. In evangelism terms, that's a real gift. So: no more Mr Nasty. No more Rev Grumpy. No more Letters to the Editor.

Still,, if anyone wants to pass on this photo...

Singing and Swinging

I promised evidence of my evening with the Byron Jones Big Band. Here are a couple of blurry photos. When I've worked out how to do it, I'll add a link to YouTube for the strong of heart!

And my right leg still hasn't quite recovered from a rather energetic kick in "Ain't That A Kick in the Head". I should know better at my age.

What's funny is listening to the recording of the evening and then seeing the video footage - the songs that sound better are the ones that look dull. The ones that look better, sound pitchy. I guess I need to work on that old stagecraft thing.

Or just the singing.

Hey, I had a great time, and you never know, one of these days I might get to poison the other singers again - I mean, they might not be able to make it again, and I might be asked back!

Too Steep For Comfort

So I'm back home after a week with our parish ski holiday.

What? Your church doesn't do a ski trip? You should complain! And before you start thinking that Pontypridd is a bit more South Kensington than South Wales, I must point you to the excellent Goldhill Holidays, who provide a fantastic service at super bargain rates.

We had nothing but blue skies and sunshine, and if the snow wasn't brilliant, it wasn't bad either. At least a week in the sun has done me a power of good.

As for the skiing...

I had the enormous pleasure of ending up in the advanced class. I was the least accomplished skier in the group, and only blagged my way into it cos I felt a strong desire to really push myself way beyond my comfort zone and this seemed the best way to do it.

And it was great fun. Our tutor, a genial Scot named Andy, took us to all sorts of places I would never dream of skiing by myself, and taught bits of technique that I didn't have. We went off piste from day one on, which was a fairly new experience for me. And we started at "steep" and got steeper!

On the last day, we took the Lauberhorn chairlift. One of the girls wondered why we were doing this - because at the top there would only be two red (intermediate) runs, and one of the easiest black (advanced) runs in the resort. Not that I have never done a black run. And the World Cup course, of course. Oh my, I thought.

Shouldn't have worried. It was much worse. Andy took us off piste, across the mountain, to a slope he of which he said, "now this is steep", and everyone else agreed. Again, a moment's panic for me. I mean, it had all been steep for me, all week. Now they thought it was. Off piste, steep, and full of moguls - bumpy bits for the uninitiated. I can turn on moguls - but have only done it on gentle, shallow slopes. I can do steep - but have only done it on limited areas, not a huge mountainside that is beginning to induce (for the first time all week) a severe bout of vertigo. I can do limited amounts of off piste. But all three? On a slope that was far harder than any black run in the resort? Did I mention I have never done a black run?

Did I mention that I wanted to be pushed beyond my comfort zone? Was I getting my wish fulfilled? Careful what you ask for!

Off we went. Correction. Off they went. I am rooted to the spot in fear. The vertigo has taken hold and all the technique I ever had has simply flown out of my head. Poof. Gone. As the last bloke set off, I said, "I really can't do this." And he went.

Andy was alerted to my predicament by one of the girls. He shouted up the mountain - "Just traverse along to the right and do one long turn". I think the moguls were less severe to the right. And earlier in the week, we had done an off piste exercise where we had just pointed our skis downhill and let them take us on a slow turn out of the slope.

I hear his command. I understand it. I know I have to do something. And I have my own skis - which I know really well. I know that if I trust them, and dare to point them downhill, they won't just keep going, they will bite, they will pull me out of the fall-line and into a turn. If I snatch, I'll turn too quickly and fall. Not a good idea at this angle. I have to trust.

What would you do? The thing with trust is that until you act on it, it doesn't exist. Like it's bedfellow 'faith', you can think you have it, but until you have to use it - you don't really know.

It worked beautifully. Perfectly. I pointed my skis down the mountain, prayed hard, and executed one of the best turns I'd done all week. And I'll admit freely I was shaking all over by the time we reached the bottom, but Andy made a point of looking me in the eye and saying "you can do this" (great teaching manner that chap - full marks) so I went up again and did it again, with a lot less fear. And a third time, likewise.

Mind you, everybody went up for the fourth time - at which point I skiied past them and headed for the Start Bar and a coffee with something quite strong added. I mean, you can have too much of a good thing!

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

It's the second day of snow here in Pontypridd. The first was fun - lots of snow overnight, then pretty morning snow followed by a bit of sun, a quick thaw, a lot of fuss and nothing. Chaos and panic, the local Tesco making £50,000 extra in a day as people filled their freezers (ironically) "just in case". All my appointments for the day were cancelled as people rang up "because of the weather" - which made sense first thing, but not really by 6pm.

This morning, it's snowing again, but there is far more traffic out and about. Clearly people have had enough fun. One day off was all they needed. Or a sunny morning's snow was more appealling than actually a snowing morning to take off.

So the dog and I will stay wrapped up inside the house (pictured), waiting for enough of a break in the weather to brave it outside for a walk. He loves running in the snow - but like the rest of Pontypridd, only when it isn't actually snowing. Otherwise, it's the fireside, a favourite chair or bed for both of us.

And no appointments to cancel - Friday is my official day off in the week. So....

The weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful, and since we've no place to go - let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

A Renewing Wonder

This week has several highlights. A smattering of snow making me positively salivate as I look forward to the real thing at the end of next weekwhen I return to Switzerland, for one. Last night's outing with the Byron Jones band - a great experience, and I might write more about that another time. There is audio and visual proof!

But also two unexpected friendships have been renewed this week courtesy of Google. On the left, Chris Berryman, on the right, Jon Timmis.

Chris lives in Florida, but I knew him first in Maryland when I lived out there in 1990. The rather splendid photo is coutesy of the internet movie database - IMDB - (well, I had boasted about my CD being available on iTunes!) though I could have taken it off Signal Centers, the charity for disabled folk he works for. I almost didn't recognise him: he had a beard the last time I saw him, about a decade ago!

Jon lives in York, and we knew each other in Aberystwyth, where he helped me lead the church youth group, and where he was one of my real solid friends. Then I moved to Cambridge, he to Canterbury, other things happened. We lost touch. He found me via Google and the St Caths website. He looks a little greyer than I recall - and his photo is off his academic website at York University (which loses me at the first line, "My research interest is primarily in the area of Biologically inspired computing...")

We are just starting the process of getting back in touch. I hope it works: friendships are precious things, and renewing them a great gift. Unexpected voices from the past are a special delight. They bring back memories and shared journeys, which inevitably have different colours associated with them, and I love this.

My time in Aberystwyth was not all sunshine; nor was Jon's. A renewing of our friendship will take us there again, but also gives us a chance to be friends today, and I think for both of us today is brighter. I look forwards to this.

I haven't really been in touch with Chris since both of us were starting our adult professional lives in our late 20s. I expect we are both the same as we were and yet very different. I really look forwards to seeing how he has changed and grown, and to hear his take on me. And now that he is living quite close to my sister, I'm sure it won't be long before we actually meet up again rather than just do the email thing!

Time is a strange beast. Finding friends who have shared it and used it differently and now share it again fills me with a wonder I want to express but for which I have no words. It's a child-like joy.

Enjoying the moment

Every one needs little things to look forwards to. This week I am singing with the Byron Jones Big Band on Wednesday evening in Newport.

Byron has been running the band for years, and combines some pro musicians with some keen amateurs and some students from the music college in Cardiff. How he does it amazes me - just getting everyone together is hard enough. But finding new music, new arrangements and new musicians when needed - as well as new enthusiasm when you hear the same old excuses. I am full of admiration for him. You can read more about his band here.

Anyway - every now and then I get to sing with the band when the real singers take a night off, and this week is one such week. Thanks to the hard work of Malcolm Jenkins and the South Wales Big Band Society the band have a monthly gig at Burleigh Hall inNewport, a sort of Jazz Cafe; this is where I get my gig.

I even got a rehearsal... though I only got to sing one of the eight numbers I will be doing 'live'. I think that means Byron is happy I can do all the others. As long as he's still happy afterwards.

In a period when church life is as hectic as it gets, and when I am encouraging the guys in the church to be more involved and to be sharers of their faith, I think it really matters (a) that I have some fun, (b) that they see I have a three dimensional life, and (c) not everythingI do happens in the large Victorian building ten feet outside this study window!

Now: all I have to do is remember the words, the music, the rhythm, the keys, the arrangements, the intros, the endings, the timing, the nuance, the feeling, the swing, the...

Oh blow that. Charlie Parker speaking of jazz improvisation said: "Know the changes, forget the changes". It holds for jazz singing. Know the songs, forget the songs: enjoy the moment.

Single minded?

I had an interesting phone call yesterday.

Geoff is a local doctor, and a man on a mission. He has started a link between Pontypridd and Mbale in Uganda. We have supported this in our giving on several occasions. We have hosted joint services. He has often asked me to go over there - so far I have said no.

Yesterday he rang to ask if I was going to a meeting, and as I knew nothing about the meeting I said no. Could I send someone else, he asked?

He is like a dog with a bone. And credit to him - he has a vision for all the churches being linked with this, and indeed all the town. He has created a link between all the local GPs and even the hospital, and the local council, and is doing an amazing locality driven thing the like of which I have not previously seen. This will get you to his website so you can read more for yourself.

However, again I said no. He was clearly put out. This is a vision he has from God. I am saying no to it.

Yes, that's right.

Because I too have a vision from God, and it is a vision for my church here. And as exciting as Geoff's is, my church can't be driven by his vision. His vision doesn't get priority because it's bigger. We will join in, at the right times, in the right ways. But Geoff has no idea what is going on day to day in our church, and I can't drop things in order to make his vision our priority. His church, which meets 200 yards away from ours, has many more people and many more groups, and many more leaders; sometimes I think that bigger churches just don't understand how smaller ones work. I pray that as we grow, we will remember these stages of our life so that we can always help others along the way.

Our priority right now is to learn as a church what evangelism is. To learn how to better share our faith in Jesus with others. This is a scary thing for some, a worrisome thing for others, a fun thing for a few, and an important one for us all. The last thing I can do as pastor of this place is to say, "by the way, if anyone would rather do something else, Geoff has something that might be more fun - go and get excited by that!" And three key people go off and do so; and they come back bubbling, and create a little groundswell about that work, and before I know it, our attempts to make evangelism the centre of our life together have all but evaporated.

When I worked in Aberystwyth, Stuart Bell (the rector there) constantly frustrated people who wanted to do various exciting things. If they weren't exactly what he thought the church should be doing, he said, by all means do it, but it's not a church event or activity or programme; it's your own thing. He was single-minded. It could be so annoying!

But God blesses that place, and I do believe part of the reason God can bless that place is because Stuart is so single-minded. He knows what his vision is. He follows it. He doesn't get blown off course. I pray I may know half the blessing on my church he has on his; and that I may learn at least half the lessons in my life he has in his.

So - I'm sorry Geoff. On the phone you sounded disappointed that I wouldn't come. But I said no because I am trying to follow Jesus and grow the church here. Do I think you are following a vision from God too? Absolutely. Do I think that vision applies to and includes St Catherine's? Quite possibly. But not today. For there are days where - and as a man of vision you must surely know this - in order to see a vision come to pass, you have to be single-minded.

Nadolig Llawen from the dog

If you've clicked on here for my Christmas message - look below. This is an added bonus. Or just keep reading, cos you never know, my random wafflings might pass your clearly wastable time!

Matt (the Springer) is not much one for the presents normally. But here he is, surrounded by the detritus of Christmas afternoon, thrilled with himself for opening all his own gifts.

Who needs kids?

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!

A day or two early, true, but you must realise that in my life the next 48 hours will afford precious little time to stop and offer a seasonal thought or two to you, my more distant (in space, though not in thought) friends.

The year past has been a good one, and this is an appropriate time to pause and say a quick thank you. I may have crept into decrepitude (or at least slipped past the last remnants of my youth) as I hit 40 last month, but there is a lot to be said for the well-being of these years. Not much to prove, and lots to enjoy. Even the persistent migraines of recent years seem to be subsiding a little, and the new headache tablets have helped me shed so much weight I can fit all my favourite clothes again! And I got to meet my namesake, Marcus Green, and his wife Catherine, in Cheltenham in November. A lovely evening, if a little bizarre - meeting someone who has gone through life sharing my name. Still, I think it will be a while before I meet another namesake, who happens to be a serial killer.

On a personal front, I've had several trips (mostly to Switzerland - my skiing skills really are getting quite decent these days), though renewing friendships with Gideon and Michelle in Germany, and seeing Karsten there again was also wonderful. No transatlantic tours this year; my theological fame clearly has its limits - Cambridge and London, which were both fun for me, and I hope worthwhile for the people who came to hear me. I also renewed friendship with several people: Tim Savage, from Oxford - a great reunion, and great to meet his family; also my old English teacher, Robin Taylor, which has been a delight - especially receiving occasional limericks from him. He assures me they are, in fact, from his pal Andy (the poet laureate...) Ricky Carvel, JD Walt and Karen Welborn's blogs have kept me entertained and inspired. And then there was my birthday party. Thank you to all who made the journey over here. I was genuinely thrilled to see you - it means the world that we keep in touch, and to those who couldn't come, thanks for the cards and gifts. You know how much I value our friendship.

It is hard to seperate the personal from St Catherine's. I have so many good friends here now, people who mean the world to me. We had a parish ski trip in February (oh yes, there are real perks to being vicar), and two 24 Hour Worship Times (see elsewhere on this blog). These were stand-out events. But so were our confirmation service, the Tuesday homegroup every week (Andy, Esther, Rhian, Guy, Rachel, Kev, Kath, Gill, David, Sam, Steph, Richard, Val, Naomi, Dan, Kirsty and others too - forgive me), every single Sunday, the growth of our children's work under Naomi Wood's care, new members joining, one or two families really growing in faith, a youth alpha group, and much more besides. The youth group went to see Delirious (a band, if you don't know) in Newport; I wasn't invited. When I first came here, I dragged a small group with me to see them. Now, it happens without me knowing, and I'm not even asked along. Fantastic!

Speaking of music... The "Every Breath" CD continues to sell. iTunes is our main distributor at present. I have had the pleasure of singing with the Byron Jones Big Band this year - and will again in February 2007. My Quartet played a strange gig at the Caerphilly Flower Festival - but the best thing about that was a first opportunity to play with the amazing Osian Roberts. We have seen more of him since, and what a pleasure that has been. Stephen Roberts played a blinder at out 24 hour worship in the jazz hour, and Osian plus Gareth Roberts, Matt Price and the usual rhythm boys (Ed Wiles, Dan Jones and George Wilson) were superb at our Advent Jazz. I had a great week writing arrangements for that; one of our 80+ yr olds came up to me afterwards with a smile all over his face saying, "That's the first time I've ever swung 'Lo He Comes With Clouds Descending'!" Radio Wales have booked us to record their Easter Sunday service for 2007.

Future thoughts: Come and visit! There are lots of rooms in this wonderful Victorian palace Matt the Springer and I inhabit. Enjoy Christmas. Have a good New Year - I'm off to Wengen, skiing and evangelising, suffering for the Gospel over the New Year. God is good, and I am loving life.

Blessings. Merry Christmas!

another year

As I sit here in my study it is almost time for the chimes at midnight to strike the end of my birthday.

A day of humbling joy, a day of cards and gifts and good wishes and generosity that has taken me by surprise. A day that has almost swept my heart away with the kindness of people and the love of God.

I have not been looking forwards to this day. It has felt like the end of something. But the sheer wonder of receiving so much from so many has made it feel far more like the beginning of something. Perhaps I have been looking backwards too much lately: so much, in fact, that I have failed to notice the beauty of the present - which has been the real gift of this day.

On the old organ at St Aldate's in Oxford there was a card with this verse from St Paul, and perhaps I feel the wisdom of it just now: "forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenwards in Christ Jesus".

And there are those chimes, right on cue.

The photo is of me and Matt, this evening, late.

History Boy

Spent a pleasant evening yesterday watching Alan Bennett's play "The History Boys" in Cardiff. The film gave me a great nostalgic trip a few weeks ago - the play less so.

And yet, the final line of the play carried with it a poignancy and a sense of urgent futility that struck me as one of the most beautiful lines I have ever heard from the stage.

After all the "success" of the eight boys achieving their Oxbridge places from their hapless northern grammar school, after their seventh term studies and shenanigans, after their teachers present foibles and future failings are made abundantly clear, after the boys' own ordinary ways forward are revealed, the newly deceased Hector emerges behind them in their grieving reverie to encourage them onwards:

"Pass it on, boys," he urges, "pass it on!" Curtain down.

As I say, I found this to be a stunning end. For in that group of lads, all fail. The communicators (teacher Irwin, journalist Scripps) are portrayed as passing things on - but words and not beauty, self and mockery without self-mockery that makes either tolerable. The one who loves beauty in the abstract - Posner - is seen as lost in his own little world, communicating nothing. The one who chases beauty in the concrete at school (Dakin) now chases unlovely money. The rest vary from the worthy to the warped - but principally are forgettable. Which Hector was not.

Pass it on. To whom? How? It seems they found education was just for exams after all. Irwin won; Hector lost.

And I sat there, thinking of all the teachers I enjoyed at school. Robin Taylor, Jack Longstaff, David Ramm, Lynn Martindale, Graeme Slack, Alan Petford, Mme Lindley, Tim Heavisides, a myriad more. All those at university who made me stand up for myself, like Henry Mayr Harting and Roger Highfield. Those at Wycliffe like Tom Wright, David Wenham and Alister McGrath who made my brain think theologically. And in my life I find myself to be a deeply flawed human being treading in the footsteps of deeply flawed human beings, handling the precious gifts of a faith that is more valuable than I know how to say.

All the gifts those guys gave me at school, university and theological college - skills and visions and imaginings and the like - now fill my life as I hear Hector's words as Jesus' charge to me:

Pass it on, boy, pass it on.

Casino Royale

Loved it. Not perfect, but fantastic Bond. Superb acting, great set pieces, good music (nice nods to former film scores along the way - especially in the brief "falling in love/recuperation sequence", very OHMSS); slightly messy storyline with too many endings - although the final, final ending might be one of the best endings of any Bond movie ever.
Thank goodness for a real actor and a decent director.

Ageing Gracefully

November 1st 2006. So begins my final month of this decade of my life.

Today is that significant birthday for Andrew Dunne, oldest of my friends, in that I have known him (with gaps) all my life. We went to infant school together. In the picture he is at the bottom left, I am at the top right. We are 6, or maybe 7 years old. Mrs Mason's class. These days we both have a lot less hair, and I think are less likely to be seen wearing a tie. (Can you imagine! Six year olds wearing ties! There are probably laws against it now!) I have a fantastic photo taken by him in the school yard when were about ten; me, Darren Greenfield and somebody else, and the graininess of the shot makes us look like street kids from some seventies TV cop show. If Andrew had been in it I'd have used that one. I think perhaps he took it. Happy birthday, Andrew. Older and wiser than me!

Another decade. This month. I received my first card two days ago. I threw it onto the piano in disgust. "I'm not there yet!" Last week I saw a couple of former teachers, one of whom asked, "Which year were you born?" "I'm still the right side of that decade marker," I joked. Just. Skin of my teeth. Finger nails.

I'm not vain, you understand.

But sadly I'm not young anymore either.

5 essential requirments for long term success in ministry

A friend of mine is studying with Hillsongs in Australia. He sent me an email with this question: "What you believe to be 5 essential requirments for long term success in ministry?" And he asked me to give him my answers.

Clearly, he can't just pinch it off Google.

So I had a bit of a think, and came up with the following. Comments please, and better ideas welcome. I'm in this for the long haul, and if you guys can help me (and Chris in Oz) I'd be grateful too!

1) Worship Jesus with all your heart, mind, soul and strength; do it daily and privately as well as weekly and publicly. Make it the core of who you are and be no-one and nothing without it.

2) Live a life of integrity that means people can tell number 1 is happening. It's hard and a real challenge, but without this, number 1 isn't happening. Jesus' litmus test for if people are loving God is: are they loving their neighbour?

3) Do what it takes to keep the passion real. Doing the stuff but losing the passion is every minister's experience and nightmare. It happens. Face it and beat it. Being with Jesus is more than doing his work.

4) Obedience. Obedience. Obedience. Obedience. Obedience. Obedience. Obedience.

5) Enjoy! Laugh a lot! Serving God is a blast! Richard Wurmbrand danced for joy in his cell in communist Rumania not cos he was crazy, and not to annoy his guards, but cos he loved Jesus, and even in the midst of persecution was genuinely filled with joy. So - don't look so miserable. God is good. Enjoy! Laugh! Glory!

What do you think?

The Best Worship Service Ever

OK, that's probably overstating things. I mean, Solomon's Temple opening jamboree has to be pretty high. It is concievable that the Last Supper might make it on the list too, as well as Pentecost or something from Revelation 4 and 5. I guess somewhere in heaven a group of Palestinian shepherds will have their own angel choir story too.

But - having said all that - I have just experienced at least two of the best worship services I have ever been a part of. We've just finished our latest 24 hour worship event here. And the whole thing was amazing, even given the terrible cold I have been suffering. Actually, that added to it in a strange way: it made the dynamic of "sacrifice" a bit more real, it cost a bit more, and that probably deepened everything.

Last night at 10pm we had a jazz service. Dan on bass, Ed on piano, George on drums, Stephen on alto, and me singing. As a jazz service, I think the best we've done. Good, flowing worship, really relaxed, and with a great spiritual energy which we haven't always achieved. In part, this was cos I made sure that people stood and sang (sometimes they just sit and listen), but in part it was cos the Lord and I have been walking a strange path in my personal worship times recently. "Singing in the Spirit" is a good charismatic practice; but scat singing in the Spirit is a bit more unusual, and that's been a part of my life with God for a bit, and last night I let rip a bit. Glorious. A tremendous freeing of the soul. One member of church (Jill) said afterwards that she had never seen me so animated! And actually I felt it too.

This morning we had our confirmation service as the last part of the 24 hour event. It was an amazing service - full of praise and worship and the sense of the presence of the Spirit. Now some of you may feel that this is surely only to be expected. Well, I don't think I have ever experienced a service like this in Wales, not even in Aberystwyth. The relaxed presence of God was palpable. The music was stunning (thanks to Kirsty for some amazing string arrangements in both hymns and songs) and all the musicians working with me (George, Ed, Paddy, Dan, Kirsty and her strings) were on top form. The whole church was filled with the Spirit. It was pure joy.

Maybe it comes from being so in love with my church here; but I have had many wonderful worship experiences in other places and still when I got home I sat here and prayed - "Thank you Lord - that was the best worship service ever!"

And regular readers (the three of you) may remember a thing I wrote in August about courage. As I looked out at a congregation made up of our own folk and many visitors, I was aware of some not liking what we were doing. But I was not dis-couraged; the Lord renewed my courage to be faithful to the call he has placed upon me, and as I felt that spiritual en-couraging my spirit soared.

It was a great day. It was a great morning. It was certainly one of the best worship services I have ever known. And now - Lord, bless this church. Grow this church. May we see this again – and indeed I dare ask that may what we saw today pale by comparison with what you are going on to do here.

You can find photos of the day and a more formal write up on our church web site here.

24

It's back! Our second twenty four hour worship time happens at the end of next week - October 14 and 15. We are having more trad hymns, more contemporary praise, our artist Cas Smith is coming, our jazz quintet will be leading us, there will be Taize and Psalms and Poems and lots of Scripture. All of St Mark's Gospel will be read out through the day, and at midnight we will have "Revelations in Music" - all of Revelations (bar chs 2-3) with music from time to time interspersing the really exciting bits! There will be new songs, and a creative hour to write something for the final hour - our confirmation sservice with Bishop David Yeoman. Prayer time and African songs and classical music and Kidz praise. Click here for more info and for our poster.

And if you are nearby, come and join in!

Our job is to worship God; his job is to grow the church.

Sometimes I just love my church

It's true!

When I was at the end of my second curacy, I am afraid I hated Sundays. The pressure that was placed on me by different people requiring different (and indeed mutually exclusive) things was so intense. I stopped sleeping on Saturdays as the pressure grew overnight in anticipation.

But now - I love Sundays. I love my church. I love the traditional folk at 8am, the families at 11am, the space and time to be more relaxed at our 6pm service.

Yesterday was Harvest, and we thought about our generous God. This was helped enormously by an experience I had on Saturday, and I think you might enjoy the story.

So here I am, in my study, preparing a sermon on generosity. In the morning, I've had a text from two of our musicians, Andy and Esther, saying they are free to play (they normally do on the first Sunday of the month) and I've left an answerphone message saying - great! Plus, would Esther like to help lead some of the service? Then I get a phone call from Andy. They sing in a choir loosely attached to a Cardiff church, and the woman who runs the choir has asked them (fairly strongly, I suspect) to go to their church as it is Harvest Festival there. Andy sounds fed up, and says he wants to be with us but they feel like they have to help Gauri. I say, of course you must go, don't worry, see you in the evening.

Then as I put down the phone, I grind my teeth and start to fume at the injustice of it! It's our Harvest too! These are key people for us! Not only are they 1/3 of our musicians, they are a fabulous young couple, and if there are visitors at the service, I want them to see young people at the front! Perhaps I should ring Gauri and let her know that this isn't on. Perhaps I should ring Andy and Esther and convey to them the strength of my feelings. And I am slightly aware of the irony of preparing a sermon on generosity whilst feeling quite selfish about these lovely people, but only slightly.

Instead, I call Kirsty to check she and Dan are playing. And Matthew, Dan's son, who is improving all the time as a guitarist. They are. I tell her about the problem with Esther and Andy. She sympathises. We grind teeth together. We agree to leave it, cos they are probably feeling bad.

I sit at my desk. I stare at the phone. I make a decision, and pick it up, dialling Andy and Esther's number. Gloriously, it is engaged!

And just gently, I feel the Lord's smile, and I hear him say: "You know, sometimes generosity has to hurt to be generosity." If it's easy, if I don't miss it, it probably isn't being generous to give it. The cross is a place of pain and giving - the ultimate generous act from the completely giving God. And suddenly, I get the profundity and the humour of the whole thing. I get the point. I get that I have been given an opportunity to be generous as I prepare this sermon, and I very nearly totally blew it. But for the grace (ie generosity!) of God.

Anyway. We had a great day. The Lord blessed us. There are one or two people just moving into faith for the first time, and seeing them alive with Jesus was a total joy. We are giving to Soteria Trust's Soteria College in Ibadan Nigeria as our Harvest offering, and Naomi had prepared a phenomenal power point presentation about it. I think our folk will really give well to it. And (a bit shamefaced, true, but there you go) I really enjoyed preaching about the generous God who calls us to be generous too.

How was Andy and Esther's morning? You'll have to ask them...

A Simple Quiz

We had a simple quiz in church this morning. Check it out by clicking here! And if you want to know how it fitted my sermon, all I can say is "seamlessly"!

Pope Benedict and the Infidel Apology

When I heard that the Pope had apologised for what he said last week about Islam, quoting (and clearly quoting, not at all suggesting it as his own opinion) Manuel II Paleologus who said: "Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached" - I was horrified.

Why did he apologise?

Why should he apologise?

Firstly, and this may come as a shock to the Muslim world, but the Pope is a Catholic. No, really. And as such he neither accepts Mohammed as The Prophet, nor does he accept Islam as the best and peacable way to God. If this upsets Moslems, they need to get real.

Secondly, irrespective of creed or outlook, in the West we have something called "Free Speech". It allows all sorts of opinions to be expressed fairly and openly, even opinions we don't much like. It is as awkward for George and Tony as it is for the Pakistan Parliament, I am afraid, and we rejoice in it and in its awkwardness. If Islam wishes to airbrush out of history an opinion expressed against it - tough.

Thirdly, the BBC website, in reporting this story, contains these lines:

Hours before the Pope spoke, two churches in the West Bank were attacked with firebombs in what was believed to be a reaction to the Bavaria speech.
And in the Somali capital Mogadishu, an Italian nun was shot dead by gunmen. The shooting may have been connected to strong criticism of the speech by a radical Somali cleric.

So this peacable and non-violent religion demonstrates just how peacable and non-violent it is by reacting to a speech at a university gathering of academics by bombing two churches and shooting a nun. If it looks like a cow, sounds like a cow, smells like a cow, walks like a cow, and signs its cheques "Cow", sometimes it really is a cow.

And if they want us to believe they don't like violence, at some point either they stop the violence, or we stop buying the line.

But then I read what the Pope said today in his apology.

"I am deeply sorry for the reactions in some countries to a few passages of my address at the University of Regensburg, which were considered offensive to the sensibility of Muslims. These in fact were a quotation from a medieval text, which do not in any way express my personal thought.
I hope this serves to appease hearts and to clarify the true meaning of my address, which in its totality was and is an invitation to frank and sincere dialogue, with mutual respect."

Which is academic speak for: Please listen to what I say and don't just go bombing churches and shooting nuns. And if you'd like to stop doing that and actually talk and develop a respect for us, that would be nice too.

I like this Pope. I find myself in complete agreement on this issue.

WebParish

A new blog site for the faithful readership: my church now has a blog page. Any church member can post a blog, and anybody at all can comment. Take a look and see what's going on - not a lot yet, honestly, but I am hoping in time that this will take off!

Tired

Tired, tired, tired. Tired and not sleeping. How does that work? Sleeping and not getting any rest.

A more difficult Sunday - simply because I am tired. God is good though: my basic test of how good a service has been (ie how much people have been touched by God) is how long they take to leave the building. If they run out, it was as bad as I feared! If they linger, the Lord was there. Turns out he was here today, I just missed him in my tiredness.