Thirteen Words

I mentioned to Jared Ribble, from Nashville, in an email, how inspiring I'd found my visit there. And how helpful the DMHO DVD is - seeing those boys take a style of music I love, use it both presentationally and really worshipfully, make it an evangelistic tool, and do it really wholeheartedly and passionately - it is something that has genuinely touched me.

After all, I have felt for the last year that we need here to find a mode of evangelism that recognises our prime calling as a church: worship. We are not simply proclaiming Jesus in a vacuum, we are proclaiming Jesus and calling people to follow him as a part of his family here. So the way we proclaim Jesus has to resonate with who we are here. There has to be an integrity between the call and the life that follows.

The difficulty is, of course, that I have no model for making worship the main mode of evangelism in a church. I mean, evangelism is either about Alpha, a supper and a small group discussing stuff (which is great, and which we do), or it is the Billy Graham model - a meeting with a speaker. You can tweak the meeting (put it in a pub, have music, have theatre) but essentially everything is there to service the speaker and his (usually his) message.

If we do worship, there is a problem. Worship is for insiders. Outsiders, non-believers will be uncomfortable. Excluded. It isn't seeker friendly.

Yet it is what we are called to. How can God get it so wrong with us?

Jared replied to me that DMHO find themselves on a different trajectory. Having spent years doing church concerts/events/worship services, they are now convinced that in order to reach the unchurched they have to

Compete with the quality and presentation of a mainstream pop act

and that

Putting on a “churchy” big band show will have less effect on a non-believer than a show that competes in the secular market, but still has the message of the gospel.

Well, this made me stop and think. One of the enormous joys of my trip over the last couple of months was seeing other people's work and letting it evaluate my own. In many ways, this was one of the greatest gifts of those weeks. (The greater was simply meeting people: people beat the work they do every time for me!)

I love the fact that DMHO is undergoing a bit of a re-invention in order to pursue a vision of "reaching the unchurched". After watching both DVDs of the band which Jared gave me, I understand more of the problem of the band feeling like a "niche within a niche" that Denver spoke about with me. It's not just that with their previous show they're limited to the Christian market - it's a swing band in the Christian market; in the States, swing is pretty much right up there with all the other "novelty" acts. And I see that in order to get the message of the Gospel out to a secular, unchurched audience using all available gifts and talents, the quality, presentation and style of a mainstream pop act is the way to go for DMHO. I get it.

Incidentally, the incessant entertaining showmanship stuff that seems an integral part of the swing band scene in the States is simply almost absent over here. It's great to watch at first, but I see why they would find that this militates against them being taken seriously as a musical outfit. (By contrast, swing bands over here are almost dour, sitting stock still as they play music that cries out to look like it's fun, in order that we understand the musician playing it is a 'serious' jazz man...)

But our swing worship stuff is aiming a little differently to DMHO, I guess, because we're a church, not a music outfit, and because as a church worship comes at the centre of all we do - so that means we simply have to seek how to make our evangelism worship-centred too. We're not working away from that goal, but towards it.

Cos here's the big question: who are we aiming at with this form of outreach? For us, here, the answer comes like this. A worship event with our big band is almost a kind of "church-lite". Not always on a Sunday morning, so visitors don't feel like they have committed themselves for ever. Not always Communion, which most of our Sundays are. It must be musically great and really enjoyable. But also, vitally, and actually this is the hard thing, it must really be worship - so that in the midst of the family of the church, the guests (who are probably already becoming part of our extended family - by friendships and relationships and because of our various programmes with families and the elderly - though that means they usually won't be coming to us on Sundays yet) begin to see what our family is all about and begin to be drawn in further. Real worship is engaging. It can't be faked.

The challenge for us is to ensure that it is real and not just entertainment.

So we have different challenges. But I am growing in confidence with it for this reason: I don't for a moment believe there is only one right way to do evangelism! I see what DMHO does and love it because I see a heart and a way of using music that gives me confidence to go with my own heart. I am so grateful for that. The context, the vision, the outworking - wow, DMHO's is so different from my calling it is like chalk and cheese. But that heart, that passion, and a little of the gifting - this inspires me big time to push the boat out a bit with something I think maybe the Lord's gift to us here too.

Does this make sense?

We did a meal on Maundy Thursday, with me singing with our jazz quartet. Lots of guests. A family member of a regular church member came, and then came again to our main worship service on Easter Sunday, and after that service found me and said, "that was really inspiring!" A girl who has started to attend in the last few months (so I have no idea if she is yet really converted) brought a family member - who then also came on Easter Sunday - with two more of her family in tow, and they were overwhelmed with what was a fairly standard service for us.

Worship is our core value. So it becomes our core outreach. How dull am I that I am just learning this obvious truth!

I guess we have to find ways to make special event worship attractive to get people in; then (as I said to Jared in a coffee shop in Nashville, but you can find this at the top of this page any time) those 13 words I try to live by come into play, and indeed find a new resonance, a deeper meaning and a startlingly new take for me: my job is to worship God - His job is to grow the church.

Parachuting onto the Escalator

So I landed. Yesterday at lunchtime I got into Manchester and finally saw Dad and Lorna who met me at the airport and drove me to Mum's. Flight 18 of 18 over and done. Mum was pleased to see me too - as of course was Matty, who, faithful hound, simply clung to my legs and refused to leave me.

Then I drove down to Pontypridd this morning. You can see from the picture of my garden that the weather is lovely. And the forecast is for arctic conditions this weekend. Parts of the country will enjoy a white Easter. Derek, one of my church wardens, has been looking after the house well. And my post was carefully spread over the whole of the study sofa. Tomorrow we'll see what that holds.

Then it was time to unpack a little before getting ready for tonight's Maundy Thursday evangelistic meal. The hall was looking good, and Lesley had worked her magic in the kitchen. Numbers were a bit light as a stomach bug had attacked a group of the church after last Sunday! And poor Kirsty had pneumonia. Time for the vicar to get back into action.

We had a great time. Super food, and the band played well - George as reliable as ever, Dan

sounding good and relaxed, and Chris and Tom working brilliantly as our new piano/bass players. Tom isn't used to using an upright, but sounds wonderful, and I shall send him a thank you for his blisters. Chris is a star on the rise. With Ed so far away, it is good to have Chris on hand.

And next - Good Friday. An hour and a half's meditation. Then reading St Mark's Gospel dramatically on Saturday. And all of Easter to prepare. As my good friend Harry always said, the thing about going away is coming back; it's like parachuting onto an escalator. The ground is moving when you land.

But what an escalator! This is my family, right here, and it was fantastic to see them, to be with them, to feel the love amongst them. I loved being away. It was a one time experience. I met some people I hope will bcome good friends, and saw some things I hope I will never forget. But I am grateful to be back.

Thank you Jesus for home.

Final full day of the Sabbatical.

Seven weeks have flown by, gone in a whirlwind, the press of an enter key, the stroke of a pen. It seems like forever. It seems like no time at all.

When I wrote Salvation’s Song, in Cambridge back eight years ago, I took an entire year out. It was a hard year, a wonderful year, a life-changing year. Its journey was slow and gentle, its development crept up on me, though the big idea of that book - the cross as the place of ultimate worship - was a blinding moment of revelation that came as I drove in my old Mondeo from Watford back to Cambridge after chatting with Mike Pilavachi one afternoon.

This always had to be different. First, before going to Cambridge, I had really not prepared for that time to write. The idea only began to form at the end of August. I turned up in Cambridge on October 1st. This time, I have been preparing for two and a half years, the last of which has been quite regular prep, with the ideas and shape of this book regularly fermenting in my brain. So maybe I didn’t need the time I needed for Song, because I had already taken that time. I just needed the write-up time.

But secondly, this is a very different book. That was a simple, easy-read theology book. Hard ideas, (hopefully!) accessibly written. This is something else altogether.

I have two ideas I am peddling. Number 1: forgiveness matters more to the person doing the forgiving than to the person receiving it. Now, there are qualifications to be made on that. Repentance is the way to receive forgiveness, and without being sorry, we don’t get it - but as human beings we aren’t meant to wait till everyone says sorry before we begin to offer our forgiveness. Why am I so sure? Because as Christians we are to follow the example of Christ, who certainly doesn’t take that tack. If he did, the cross would never have happened the way it did. He couldn’t die for my sins till I was sorry for them. But instead, he dies first, and there is no guarantee I will ever repent. Yet still he offers forgiveness. And asks we do the same to each other.

Number 2: When, after teaching the Lord’s prayer, he goes on to comment that if we don’t forgive our neighbour we don’t get forgiven, this can be taken two ways. Either, the forgiveness we thought we had been offered gets removed (ie God changes his mind), or if we fail to get it it's because we never really had it in the first place. It has to be the second. God doesn’t change his mind on this central issue. And Jesus’ teaching here is to focus us on seeing that the sharing of forgiveness as the completion of being forgiven: if we have truly been forgiven, we will pass it on. What we have received, we will give away.

Or to sum both of those ideas up - we who have been forgiven become the forgiving. We who have been redeemed become the redeeming. We who have been saved become the saving in the world by taking what Jesus has done for us and passing it on.

Now. How to best express this?

In a blog, in this many words? In a theology book with Bible texts and references and quotations?

Or another way? I wanted to try something more creative. Perhaps a little different. So I went for that. It may never see the light of day. It may be terrible. I may not be up to it. I wrote a novel about these issues.

I don’t know if it’s any good. What I do know is that at church yesterday, the pastor led a great confession about the things we do that need forgiving, and that my heart was far more moved and my soul touched and brought close to God than ever normally is the case after writing these things and thinking them through in this way. And if someone might read these words and find themselves similarly impacted, then a little good has been done. It feels a bit like it did when I’d finished Song. Like I’d learned something. Like I’d been changed. Like I wouldn’t be the same again.

I can only pray that this moment lasts. The sunshine on the picture at the top - I am waving goodbye to all that. I am sitting by the pool in temperatures of 80 degrees - I am waving goodbye to that too. Stephen’s Path, the road here where I have been living in Florida - bye bye. Seven weeks away from the responsibilities of running the parish - that’s gone. I get back in a couple of days’ time, parachuting back onto the escalator. But this moment, the moment where I dimly see that the worship of Jesus on the cross is the sacrifice that offers forgiveness, so the worship of our church (always our first call) should be about becoming a Jesus-centred worshipping community that instinctively and always offers forgiveness - and that surely is a tie-in to my perennial search for how worship and evangelism work together - this moment I pray will last and last and last.

This moment is what my services in Wengen, my times in Rock’s cafe or at the Falken, my conversation with Tory over that sandwich (and his subsequent sermon line which has shaped my whole thinking ever since), my visits to Heartland and Falls and Nashville have all been about: I glibly say that the word "sacrifice" is a worship word and then focus on worship. But sacrifice is there for a purpose, and that purpose is forgiveness. This is my blood, shed for the forgiveness of sins. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.

I have been asked endlessly, "Is this book a sequel to your first?" and now I discover to my surprise and delight, that the answer is "Yes".

Nashville, Denver or Athens?

Where am I?

So this morning I went to church with Kenn Hughes, musical director of DMHO, to his Baptist Church. It was a great service - and a great band and choir. 25 musicians, over 100 singers. During one song, Darlene Zschech's "Worthy is the Lamb", I felt myself really lifted in worship. And there was a key change and a truly American moment in the orchestration (band stopped and choir sang through that key change) and it was still wonderful. A bit OTT for Pontypridd, but genuinely moving here, and I sensed the presence of God powerfully. Context is maybe not all, but it matters. Kenn works with a society that sends music ministries around the globe to aid missons in all sorts of places. We shall see, but I am interested in thinking how that may be a link for St Catherine's.

Then he and I met with Denver and Amy Bierman for lunch (at the second best BBQ place in town - according to Jared; Denver loves it, and I enjoyed it as much second time in two days as the first!) - Denver of course being D of DMHO.

It is a real privilege to meet these guys. Their work has been an inspriation for me, and to listen to them speak of what they are doing, how God is calling them on, how things are changing for them and how they are trying to serve humbly, was just a joy.

After lunch, Kenn took me to see the Parthenon. Or at least, Nashville's replica of it. No acropolis for it to sit atop, but still pretty impressive, I think! And therefore a brief trip to Athens (this place being known as the Athens of the South on account of its many universities and Country Music).

Another great day, and the last of my wanderings. Back to the airport soon and then Tampa for another 48 hours before heading homewards. In the service this morning, the emphasis was on saying thank you for the communion. I have an awful lot for which to be thankful, so much so that these words are scarcely hinting at the heart of that matter, or at the matter of my heart. But thanksgiving is large in my thinking. I have had again the joy of meeting with amazing people, and seeing God working in and through them.

Who am I to get this? Just one of the blessed. And, picking up a familiar themes to the three regulars out there, I guess now the blessed must seek to become the blessing.

(Later)

I listened to a 'live' recording of DMHO on the plane on the way back to Tampa tonight. And more than ever I think we must do more with the swing worship as evangelism. It is something that is distinctly ours and which is, I believe, part of the Lord's gift to us. It will be hard work; but I am again inspired by meeting these guys and by what they do. By their music and their message. Now to think how to make our version of that work - and to act on those thoughts. O Lord, bless us!

Welcome to Nashville!

With airplane rides like this, who needs Disney? To say it was "bumpy" would be to say that Switzerland is hilly. I have never before been on a plane where people screamed. It was quite fun, in a bizarre "O Jesus get me out of here" way!

And then when on the ground I had the enormous pleasure of spending the day with Jared Ribble, drummer with Denver and the Mile High Orchestra, and music producer here in Nashville. He is one nice bloke, and I thoroughly enjoyed our time together.

We had breakfast in town, before he showed me the music part of town (this is music city USA), where most of the studios are really converted houses. I met his business partner Sandy at one of these places, where we sat for a while by the most enormous mixing desk. Missed photo op.

We went into the city centre and played at shopping for stetsons. None bought. You should see the prices of hats here. We drank beer for real.

And then ate barbecue. At the second best BBQ place in town.

Followed by visiting a rather higher class restaurant where a friend of Jared's was singing. Jaimee Paul was stunning. A marvellous voice, beautiful poise and wonderful eyes - follow the link and enjoy for yourself. I bought the CD because she was something I had to bring home.

A great day, a real treat. Thank you Lord - for safely getting me here! And for blessing me so much in this place.

And now, the end is near

So I’m off to Nashville this weekend for my final jaunt, and then begins the long trek home.
Having finished the book last Friday, I’ve put my feet up and done nothing since - NOT!

I’ve hardly left the book alone. I’ve read and re-read it, fiddling with thoughts and ideas, with grammar and sentence structure, making sure all the continuity details work, and I’ve totally removed the short epilogue I’d tagged on the end. It needs something there - as it stands, at just over 124,000 words and 500 pages it ends far too abruptly. But what I had written won’t do, and for now I am not ready to try again. There will be plenty of time to find what should fill that slot.

There are passages that do not work. That’s OK: this is a first draft, and as I continue to hone it over the months and probably years ahead those passages will get sorted. There are times when the overall pace of the book is not what it should be. Again, if I’d got that right everywhere at the first attempt, I’d have been frankly shocked.

But there are places where it does just what it should. Times when I say what I want to exactly how I want to. And on the whole, given that I have attempted something here that is way beyond anything I have tried before, I am pleased.

I just know that there is a lot more work to be done! In bits and pieces, quietly, silently, turning what is now something with promise into what I hope one day will deliver that promise and reward any readers in the process.

Which isn’t to say this week hasn’t been restful: more sleep and less work and lots of sitting by the pool and enjoying the sunshine. Hope you like the photo of Ben trying to play his keyboard whilst Sammy the cat has other ideas!

So - Nashville. Jared Ribble, drummer with Denver and the Mile High Orchestra, and Kenn Hughes, MD of the band will be my hosts for the weekend. DMHO is a great band, styling itself either as a Christian big band or as a horn led pop band depending on whether it’s their MySpace or their website you look at. I’ve had the pleasure of singing a couple of their charts with the National Big Band of Wales, and of chatting with Kenn via email for a while - he was really encouraging when I was doing the Every Breath CD. Now I get to meet these guys, and it is going to be a huge privilege for me, and a lot of fun. My last weekend here in the States for this trip, and time to enjoy!

Sunday

Karen and I drove down to Falls Church in Virginia this morning to worship at the Falls Church. Can you see what a clever thing they did with the names there?

The Falls Church is where George Washington worshipped. And here am I standing in front of the old part of the site, where they have the traditional services, and where they have plaques on the pews celebrating famous American revolutionaries and civil war folk who were part of this congregation. I don't think you have to be a general to get a seat here, but...

This photo is the new part of the church, where we worshipped, and it was a super service. Great music, a great sermon, and an hour and a half passed in no time flat. I thoroughly enjoyed being with this part of the Anglican family. Actually, the music reminded me very much of home. Most of the songs were songs we sing, and the sound of the band was very much the sound we make, though the format of the service was more what we do in the evenings than the mornings.

Michael Greto, whose wife Megan is cousin to Scarlette, best friend of Gill my sister (are you still with me) was in the narthex and we caught up before the service began. The sermon was on the problem of suffering, and finished with a point that regular readers here would recognise. One of the things that happens when we suffer is that we enter into part of Christ's suffering in order that we who are the redeemed become the redeeming in the world today. We who are the forgiven become the forgiving. We who are the healed become the healing.

OK, he may not have used those words, but the concept was HUGE in the sermon.

And finally, Harry, the smallest Welbourn has been entertaining us with dancing and percussion over lunch to make up for his lack of a mention with the flute and violin yesterday. Truly a star performance. Stellar. And here is the whole family in the sun outside the house.

Party Time in Maryland

It's simply wonderful to be here with Karen, Jerry, Stephen, Paul and Harry Welbourn. Plus - lots of other family members too! These guys were like one big extended family to me 18 years ago, when I stayed here for six months, and this has been a fun evening catching up.

Good food, good music, good company. K&J's elder two, Stephen and Paul had music performance tests today and both scored really highly - as well they should. Stephen played his Mendelssohn violin concerto segment and Paul his Debussy flute piece for us. Fantastic.

Then Lori and Karen and Megan and the rest of us sang hymns and show tunes. With equal reverence.

It quite took me back! When Karen was at Merton, evenings would often revolve around her at the piano and gatherings of friends singing. And now, much older and a little wiser, here were with some things not much different.

Friendship is a great gift. For which, many thanks.

And we're done. Sort of.

So we're done. Sort of. 124,137 words. 503 pages. A first version of the first draft. Glory!

There is an awful lot more work to be done, and I may even do some this next week. But my aim was to finish by tonight. Why? Because this has been wonderful, I have loved every creative minute of it - but it has also been solid work, and before I leave this country in 10 days time I would like a holiday!

Oh yes. So please note my wonderful praying people of St Catherine's, I would like some different prayers now please. Rest! Relaxation! A quiet mind and a still spirit!

I am so thrilled to have finished this draft of this book. Every target bar one has been hit. The one I missed? 120,000 words. But given I'm 4,000 over, I think that's OK. Give a guy a break!

Forgive me, OK!

The photo is of the current front page. It is headed, "The Forgiving", and carries two quotations.

One is from Isaiah 46.3-4.

"Listen to me...

You whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth. Even to your old age and grey hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you."

The second quotation is from George Herbert:

"Forgiveness is the most necessary and proper work of every man; for though, when I do not a just thing, or a charitable, or a wise, another man may do it for me, yet no man can forgive my enemy but myself."

This weekend I'm off to visit Karen Welbourn, who was at Merton with me a million years ago, and her husband Jerry and the kids, and we will probably go to church at the Falls Church just south of Washington DC. I am really looking forwards to this trip. K&J hosted me for much of my six months stay back in 1990 when I lived over here, and their families were so wonderful it will be fantastic to see everyone. The last time I saw them was in 1995 - so I guess we will all have changed!

Many many blessings.

My heart is filled with joy, thanksgiving and praise.

Thank you Jesus: thank you Lord for this project, for this time, for these words. For all that is still to come. For this unbelievable opportunity. For creativity and discipline! For the beauty and power of the word and the imagination.

Glory.

Thank you. Amen.

100K

I guess there are milestones. One hundred thousand words feels like one. Though it's not a significant moment in the book - it is a significant moment in the writing. And if you look carefully you get to see my current working title and title page, with a quote from Isaiah on it.

Now, lunch.

Sunday at Heartland

The first thing I have to say is that the building may be unprepossessing, but these are wonderful people. I was welcomed everywhere, greeted, spoken to, made to feel at home. This is a church that knows how to treat guests. I was impressed.

I had super time with Andy and Trisha, whom you can see here with their boys Jake and Eli. Andy led worship in the main morning service with his excellent band. Good to see Zach, who played drums at Furnace last summer as well – this is his home church too. The music was lovely, and we used some songs I knew well and some that were new to me but all were good for worship.

Preaching at the main service, and joining us for lunch was Ron Allen, pictured here with his wife Carolyn and I, after the service at Andy and Trisha’s for lunch. Ron has pastored this church for ages, though he is handing over leadership to Andy. Both his sermon and John Youse’s at the early service were great, though it was their hearts rather than their words that stick with me. I loved what I saw – big generous hearts winning people for Jesus.

At the early service John spoke on the question of what revelation is, and as he was doing so, I felt the Lord help me with something. I have been slightly struggling with exactly how I progress the story of my book. The next bit has been just escaping me. And now I am clear. John reminded us to simply ask for revelation – to be shown what we needed to see: thank you Jesus!

Oh, I promised yesterday to record a couple of things form Saturday night’s sermon. Here you go: "Resentment is deadly, and the first relationship it kills is the one with yourself". Or try this: “We’re often asked, ‘Can Christians dance?’ We’ve always felt the answer is, some can and some can’t.” I think that second one works on so many levels it is an absolute masterpiece.

At 6pm, there is now a ‘liturgical’ service run by Ben Sternke at Heartland – or at least, it is run actually off site. (It's called "Christ Community" and you can read more about it on Ben's blog - click here and scroll down till you find it!) Ben is running it for people who might not want exactly what the morning service offers, who need a way in from liturgical churches, who have life experiences that mean something more formal but still Spirit led is good, who can hold on to the structure and find God in the organised side of church – a sort of thirty-something post modern take on a Eucharist. Not that it is simply aiming at that demographic. And not that you have to have a beard if you are a man (I was so grateful when eventually someone else without one came in)... It was quiet, thoughtful, beautiful, and Ben’s preaching was my favourite of the weekend (which means it was most like my own). Good narrative theology. Giving people The Story by telling people the story. An excellent preach on John 9. And again, warm, friendly people making me feel at home. Quite lovely.

Thank you Lord for the privilege of being here. What an amazing joy to meet these folk. What a thrill to worship amongst them. Thank you. I tell you, these trips to worship with God's people in different places are eye opening and heart warming and spirit refreshing and totally wonderful. It will be years before I get to do this again. And I am loving every moment.

Happy St David's Day

Happy St David's Day!

I have now flown into Fort Wayne, Indiana, which is really in the middle of nowhere, to stay with Andy Booth. Fort Wayne gives the impression of being very rural, though the city at 300,000 people isn't far short of the size of Cardiff.

Andy, whom I know from the Flames of Fire/New Wine Cymru conference as a worship leader, is one of the pastors of a great church here, Heartland, and he is hosting me here for the weekend - he and a couple of his friends, Tom and Karen Maxwell, at whose lovely house I am staying.

It is cold and snowy! We're not in Tampa anymore!

Tonight I have been to another church in town, "The Chapel", where the pastor is called Rick Hawks, and he preached on the Prodigal Son. The church was interesting (with a band of 13 or 14, and a dozen singers who came in formation with hand-held mikes from the congregation at the start of the service looking like the old Coke adverts teaching the world to sing) and the sermon good; when I can find my notes I'll edit this and put a couple of comments in. I thought it was all stunningly professional. And I really enjoyed it, though in all honesty, I think a visit is all I could do; it wasn't a church I could live with. I get to see Andy's much more informal church in the morning. Andy took me along as he wanted to hear the preacher who is a friend of his and he had never been to the church before.

I did however take photos of Andy's worship space and of The Chapel before the service started. I'll try and upload the pictures later so you can work out which is which (there's a big clue in one picture!!!)

Fifth Saturday in Sabbatical

So the weather is sunny. It was a little cool in the middle of the week, briefly, (as you can see, my Uncle Michael & Gill felt the need for jackets, but actually the morning sun already had reached the high 60s by this time!) and now has warmed up again. Which is a shame. Because tomorrow I fly to Fort Wayne Indiana, where right now it is snowing!

This week always looked like it might be hard to fit much writing in. Firts there was flying back from DC on Monday (and that's the next picture - straight down the centre of Washington out of the plane window), then it was Gill (my sister)’s birthday on Wednesday, and my uncle Michael and his wife Margaret flew in on Wednesday evening as well for a few days. Then today I am meeting up with my good friend Chris Berryman who lives down the road in Orlando.

So given I am aiming at 20,000 words a week, somehow I have managed almost 18,000, and am now at a total of just over 95,000. Which is not quite the 100,000 that was my target for today at the beginning of all this, but close enough to say I’m still very much on track.

But are these words any good? What’s the point of just churning out words? Well, that’s the question. I guess in part I just have to get to the end of this and then bravely let one or two others have a look and see. I find that everything I have hoped for, all my organising and working out, the basic plotting of the whole thing if you will, is working perfectly. I am hitting all my targets. Getting to where I want to get when I want to get there. Saying what I want to say and occasionally finding myself laughing and crying along the way.

So I am enjoying the process of writing still, very much. And at almost 80% through now, at least I can say that I will most likely finish the first draft on time! Thank you for your prayers. This is being an amazing experience. Please pray on.

Family time this week has been great. To be here for Gill’s birthday was lovely. I took her out for lunch as she had the day off work. Ben, my nephew, had not bought her a card or gift I discovered the night before. So I took him out and we put that right with a bunch of flowers. I guess as it has always just been the two of them, there has never been anyone to tell him that he should buy his Mum a birthday gift: she is the one who buys everything for him. And when he went into her room in the morning and gave her the things, she was really amazed and touched.

Also, although you are getting ready for Mothers Day in the UK, it doesn’t happen here in the States until May. So Gill never gets a card to my Mum on time, and Mum always resigns herself to pulling out last year’s card. This year, she was feeling miserable because she felt that she would have to do it with my card as well. Ah, but I’d thought ahead and taken cards for all of us to sign over here, which I posted at the beginning of this week. Mum called yesterday, thrilled.

And an Aunty of mine, Joyce (see picture - at cousin Howard's wedding last October), is very ill in hospital in Manchester. Probably the closest member of the family outside the immediate parents/sister/nephew circle. Please pray for her; I hope to see her when I get home. She may not be there.

As will not Cleo, a member of St Catherine’s, who died this week. A wonderful lady of strength and courage, whose ever present smile hid constant pain, and who will be sorely missed by her very many friends. Rest in peace and rise in glory.

Oh, that concert

The first time I saw Michael Buble he wasn't very good. Though the encore was terrific.

The second time I saw him was the most phenomenal singing I have ever seen in my life.

This was somewhere in between. He has a great voice, an awkward stage manner that varies between a walk so strange it comes from the John Cleese school (though I think he thinks it's cool) and a presence that is genuinely quite magnetic, and an ability to project the inner meaning of a song in a way that is totally compelling - if he can be bothered.

The second half was better than the first, but at times it felt mechanical, and having seen him be so unbelievably brilliant I was knocked off my feet, watching him simply be great was OK but no more. I should be so talented.

The band was the best I've seen them. The staging fantastic. A US audience rather more vocal than its Cardiff counterpart!

And I did enjoy it. Just, well, you know. I wanted one the best concert experiences of my life, and instead I got a merely excellent one. How hard to please am I???

Truro

It is always a total joy to spend time with Tory and Elizabeth Baucum.

I am here in Fairfax, Virginia, in their new home for the first time since they moved last summer. Tory is now rector of Truro Church, a large Anglican church just outside Washington DC. The Episcopal Church in the States is a political minefield, and Truro Church is struggling with this, but Tory is a man of peace, a bridge-builder.

Listening to his story of faith and integrity, and worshipping with his Saturday evening congregation, I am filled with a sense of gratitude that I have been granted such a friend as this. We met quite by chance eighteen years ago in Little Rock Arkansas, and of such small coincidences is grace built.

Tory's sermon tonight, from Philippians 2.12-18 was a reminder of how we as the Redeemed become the Redeeming in the world, how we are to take on the responsibility for being the body of the Christ who dies to save, and how we are to cherish and value this awesome responsibility. We share in the task he gives us. It is a wonderful thing - though he has done it all, yet he gives us a share in it.

And before church, Elizabeth and I spent time talking about the value of writing, the creativity and imagination of it, the way in which the Creator God asks us to revel in being made in his image by displaying that image in the acts of our lives - the creations of our own imaginations.

Again, I am thankful for the gift of friends such as these.


(Sunday)

So by the end of the morning, I had listened to Tory preach the same sermon four times. I think numbers 1,2,3 & 4 were the ones that had the most impact on me.

Here are some thoughts from that sermon, which was all about working out our faith.


1. Tory said, you thought that when you signed up to church you signed up to stability; but actually you signed up to a journey, to dis-equilibrium and change and transformation. When you don't like the journey, the company, the venue or the menu, don't get so caught up in the problems that you lose sight of the goal - where you are going - or of the one who is leading you home.

2. Here are 5 "How to" books: How to win friends and influence your neighbours; How to Crochet; How to not look older; How to succeed in business; How to play jazz. The last is the only Christian one, because in jazz, the musician is as much played upon as playing, allowing the music to influence the person, remembering that there are no bad notes, only bad resolutions. So too in our faith: it is a co-operation with the Holy Spirit working in us, not just what we do, and though this moment may have been what seems to be a mistake, how we let God take us on from here is the real test.

3. Remember who you are and you'll know what to do. How are we to live out our faith at this post code? (My job is to worship God, his job is to grow the church, anyone?)

4. You who are redeemed are now the redeeming. You are the unblemished, the sacrifice, the means by which God brings his love to the world. The first sentence of this point was something I said to Tory over a sandwich yesterday afternoon as we talked about the passage he was preaching on; he then made it a key point in his sermon. After I had heard it the fourth time, I felt the Lord say to me really clearly -
"You said it to him; now I have said it to you FOUR times; have you heard it yet? Am I getting through?"

Also at the service was George Kovoor, principal of Trinity College Bristol, and we had lunch together afterwards. He is a remarkable man, and it was good to spend time with him. I liked him enormously. I hope to get in touch with him when I get home. He may yet be able to help us at St Catherine's with my ongoing quest for a form of evangelism that matches outreach with worship. We shall see.

A great day.

P.S. As you can see from the photo, the forecast deep snow for the weekend did not happen: thanks for the prayers re the weather!

Coming Out To Play

The Sun has got his hat on
Hip hip hip hooray
The sun has got his hat on and is coming out to play.

Given what my completely unreasonable target was for this weekend - 80,000 words - I’m just over 3,000 shy of that total. If I get anything done at all on my Washington trip, I’ll make it. I’m not sure if that will happen. The next section is really important, and I think I want to be able to focus completely on it, rather than do it in bits and pieces.

I am so looking forwards to the next couple of days. Tonight I go to see Michael Buble in concert in Tampa. And in the morning it’s back to the airport for the next flight, and then off to see Tory and his family at Truro Church. Wonderful. I think that it will be a very inspiring weekend - everything Tory says about the church sounds great, and it is so good to hear him so enthused about his church.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

Though pray for the travelling - the weather is rough on the Eastern seaboard, and I may get stuck...

Florida!

So here I am, safely arrived at Gill's house in Florida.

You'll have to wait for photos of Gill and Ben - Gill's at work and Ben's at school. So for now that's just me and Lucy the dog. More family shots will come!

The routine is working well. I get up ridiculously early, 11am UK time (ah, but do the time zone thing and you'll see that it is early!), in order to sort out Ben for school, and then I am ready to work whilst the house is empty.

Today was kind of interesting. I am getting near the two-thirds mark in the writing. At that point I hit a real change in the structure of the book. There is a surprise in the telling of the tale. I have the detail of how that works all planned out now. And there is an emotional punch in it - at least for me, so I hope also for the reader, if there are ever readers of this great work. For a little while I had to pause as I reflected on what I am planning to say. And it's not even as if I've said it. I'm just planning on it. I do hope the reality works out as well as the intention.

You'll be glad to know the weather is overcast. In Florida. And that at the weekend as I head to Washington DC the forecast is for heavy snow. Of course, I only brought my small leather jacket; so no big expeditions whilst I'm there... I hope! I'll tell more when there is more to tell.

Blessings to all. After all, I am being so blessed here, it would be rude not to pass them back. Put your hand to the screen and just feel them coming right at you!!!

The In-between Time

Or – this is what happened on the third Saturday in Sabbatical! Because this weekend I am in between journeys. On Thursday I got back from Switzerland, got back to England that is – I don’t make it home to Wales till all this is over in mid-March. Where in England? I’ve been in Chorley, where my Mum lives, and where Matty is staying for the duration. The picture is Matty helping me re-pack my suitcase in one of the bedrooms in my Mum’s house. You can see how helpful he is being. Though right now I’m sitting in Manchester Airport. Very in-between.

The trip from Switzerland was uneventful. And the stay here has been likewise pretty dull – washing clothes, doing bits of shopping for the next stage, trying to fit in a few blocks of writing, a nice meal out with Dad and Lorna and a lovely lunch today with Mum.

Highlight? Man Utd thrashing Arsenal 4-0 in the FA Cup, I think; the victory was expected, the margin a delight.

Church this weekend? St Catherine’s on the MP3 player, one of last year’s radio broadcasts. So much moving around, and getting ready to fly down to Gatwick in preparation for the Florida leg that I had the option of a depressing hour in the local Anglican church here or the chance to walk the dog and enjoy the sunshine. Guess which won.

So I’m at Manchester Airport because tonight it’s off to Gatwick, near where I will stay with Owen and Liz, former neighbours of mine in Ponty (and the best chefs I have ever known) till I disappear off to Florida early Tuesday morning. This is the messy bitsy bit of the sabbatical, but at least I got to see family and Matty and now I get to see O&L, with whom I haven’t spent any decent time for far too long. They were the people who kept me sane when I first moved to Pontypridd. I owe them more than I can say – they were such a godsend.

So – I’ll tell you more when I get to the States. Keep praying! Blessings to all.

Moving On

Last day in Switzerland today.

The sun is still shining, and I am still writing! But I thought I'd include a photo of me actually on skis, just to show that I don't just take photos of views...

The group from St Catherine's are here now, and having fun. It has been great to see Andy and Esther and Steve and Julie and all the Youth Group/Kids as well. Also, Miles is in town with a different group, and I spent yesterday morning skiing with him.

Actually, I spent yesterday skiing everywhere! From 8.30am till 4pm. I just about wore my skis out. It was great fun. And today it has been a solid writing day to make up for it. Lots of progress there - though I need to do a bit more, which is hard, because I have reached a sort of break point, and to start again today would mean beginning a new section which needs to have its own momentum. Hmm.

This photo is Joanna and Al Copley. Al is the pianist at the Falken Hotel, and and it has been my great pleasure to eat with them these last few evenings, and to talk about faith, and to listen to Al's wonderful jazz and boogie woogie piano playing. He is a phenomenon, and their friendship has been a genuine gift aswell. One of the joys of coming here regularly is the renewing of friendships, and this one has been special this year.

But in the morning I leave. A brief trip back to England, and then on to the States.

Two further things to record before I finish for now.

As I walked across at Mannlichen yesterday, basking in the warm afternoon sunshine, glorying in the mountains, rejoicing in the freshness of the snow, I poured out my thanks to God for this whole experience, and I felt the presence of his Spirit gently lift my own. I record this because I will confess that it has been a while. With all my heart I know that his Spirit is always with me, helping, sustaining, guiding, speaking - these things I know and see. But I just haven't felt it for a while. The weight of work, responsibility, the sheer pressure of life and the intensity of a timetable. And yesterday, I felt it. It was simple, brief, wonderful.

Second, I had a remarkable dream the other night. About three years ago, a friendship I valued ended badly. I have many times since reminded myself to forgive that person, and prayed that I might be forgiven. Don't ask. In the dream I was speaking of this to an older, wiser person, but not just of this - we spoke of the many years of friendship that preceded; and towards the end, the older, wiser person spilled his glass of red wine over me. A clumsy act? Or a symbol of forgiveness, the blood that cleanses all. And I was suddenly aware that over many years there was much to forgive. And to be forgiven. In writing about forgiveness, I suddenly saw in this one friendship a microcosm of a whole world of relationships: we think one thing is the problem, and there is so much, it never ends, it all ties together, and we have to constantly work out hearts and lives where forgiveness is everyday speech and thought and life. And I can't make one person forgive me; but I can make sure I have forgiven them, holding nothing back, by forgiving time and time and time again. Till it's all gone. Till it's as natural for me as it can be.

Because then, I think, life looks different with the restraints removed. It's not about the past - it's about the future. And suddenly I think I'm getting a sense of what my sabbatical is about.

PS

And tonight I went back up to Wengen with Andy and Esther and Matt Jones to see Maggie at the Falken, to enjoy Terry's bar one last time, to listen to Al's piano one last time, to remind myself that saying goodbye here is one of life's temporary impermanences. As I said, it's about the future.

Second Saturday in Sabbatical

...Or, Update Number Two!

Right, so how are things going then? Well, the book is progressing nicely. This week has been a bit slower, but that’s for two main reasons. First, I’ve been going back over last week and tidying up, as well as just doing a bit more research as well as writing. Even so, I’ve hit the 40,000 word mark, which is half way. That’s a false mark, obviously. I intend to write about 120,000 words and edit it down to 80,000 in the end, so really I’m a third of the way, which is about where I ought to be right now. But I need to keep this rate going, which is going to be pretty intense.

Secondly, I’ve been a bit less prolific this week because I have actually been skiing! Yes, I decided to relax a little as well as work, work, work. So it’s been up early, out before the crowds, and get two or three hours on the slopes before eleven. Then back to the computer and off we go.

Church has been lovely. There have been some super people in resort this week. A lady who became a Christian here 25 years ago and was visiting again with her husband. Jennifer is a piano teacher, and I have seen her a few times. Antoinette is from Edinburgh and belongs to a tremendous church there, and has been very encouraging. Antony and his wife from Oxford know friends of friends, and time with them has been great. Then there has been evangelism, and that has been really good, with several wonderful people, in all of whose lives I am sure the Lord is working.

The weather has been varied: some fresh snow earlier in the week, and some strong winds, have given way to more blue sky and sunshine. Actually, the lower slopes saw rain one day, and this followed by a freeze and then snow led to quite treacherous conditions. The bottom parts of runs all turned to ice, and the Down Hill Only Club’s MacMillan Cup had a couple of casualties as early finishers careered off the course and into the car park. I spent a treacherous morning that day getting down to Grindlewald, feeling I needed ice skates more than skis, and treated myself to a large piece of apple tart in the rather fine backerei in town afterwards.

Prayer requests? Same old same old. Discipline and creativity in the writing. Creativity at good times of day, also, as I did get up in the middle of the night on one occasion, and fine as that was... Plus a real edge to my preaching this weekend, to touch the hearts of all who come to church, drawing them to Jesus. That’s what it’s about.

This is such a gift. Such a joy. Such a privilege. Nearly two weeks gone! It is flying by.

Fab-ulous?

I had the great pleasure of watching England beat Switzerland 2-1, the first match of Fabio Capello’s reign as manager, in Rock’s Cafe, a little bar here in Wengen. In fact, it’s where I am right now as I post this on the web.

Rock’s shows a lot of Premiership games, and so as you can imagine is very popular with British football fans. And, it turns out, with the Swiss, who came in cheerily shouting “Up Schweiz!” one by one during the early stages of the match. (Pronunciation guide: Oop Schweetz is as close as I’m going to get. Many of the Brits had no idea what they were saying, and cheered it with them!)

2-1 is a win. Better than that – it wasn’t like watching Steve McLaren’s England. Everyone seemed to be playing in position. They knew what they were there to do. They passed the ball!!! When someone passed the ball to Peter Crouch’s feet, I felt like standing and cheering. It was the 91st minute before the long ball appeared. Sure, Wes Brown looked a bit dozy; he does at Man Utd. Ashley Cole looks a shadow of himself. Wayne Rooney isn’t a lone striker. These are quibbles.

It was a different ballgame entirely to this.

And I spent it very happily in the company of a couple of Scots, Graham and Lynn, who had come to church on Sunday, and who then turned up again in the piano bar in the Falken last night. Most agreeable.

Fabulous Fabio? Not quite, not yet. But a great start in a friendly the manager wanted to win, which showed the right attitude after too many meaningless such games in the last few years. We look forwards with anticipation.

Skiing!

Finally, I made it out onto the slopes today (Tuesday).
Yesterday we had another blizzard, a terrific dumping of fresh snow, and the forecast for today was good, so I got up good and early, took my skis to be waxed, bought my lift pass – and off I went.

A beautiful clear sky, amazing snow under foot, a sharp fresh wind. Stunning. Down the Mannlichen, then across to Kleine Scheidegg, running through the trees to Brandegg, and finally down the long trek back to Wengen. Two and a half hours of blissful skiing in perfect (if cold) conditions.

For a first day back on skis, I feel remarkably fit, and my technique wasn’t too appalling. Decent rise and fall, decent control, good speed, no mishaps. I have a weak right knee at the moment, but it’s strapped up, and it gave me no problems at all.

Then it was a brisk walk to the Hunenfluh, where Jutta van Eeghen lives. Her husband, Ernst, died last year, just after I visited. So it was strange to see her alone in the house. She asked if I could recall what we talked of, and actually I could. We had a lovely hour together, and she provided me with a super lunch. We prayed before I left. The Lord bless you, Jutta.

This evening it was supper with Maggie Gerber, good friend and church warden here in Wengen, and her husband Ulle, who cooked rabbits for us. His own rabbits. Also there was Karen Jones, my original ski teacher too (for those of you who have read Salvations Song the book – she gets a mention there), and two other of Maggie’s friends, Paul and Sarah, who were really good company. Paul writes books on vintage racing cars. Fantastic food, splendid wine, and far too much of Ulle’s homemade schnapps. Quince schnapps. Blackcurrant schnapps. Apple schnapps. It’s going to be a slow start on Wednesday, I feel.

On the writing front, just a couple of thousand words today. But I did a word count on a couple of novels. First novels often come in at maybe 70,000 or 80,000 words. I’m at 31,000 or 32,000 after one week and only about a quarter of the way into the story. So it looks like I’ll have plenty of editing to do later on...

Saturday

Sun and snow, pleasure upon pleasure, endless gifts and joys without ceasing. Saturday is here and already I have to check each day which day it is - oh the joys of life away from a desk and a routine and a life of responsibilities!

Here's a photo of St Bernard's Wengen I took this morning. The cloud was down and the snow was falling, though as I look out now the sun is already breaking through again. There is a pristine beauty in the freshness of each morning here, whether there has been new snowfall or not. Each morning I pull back the curtain by my bedside to see what kind of day it will be: blue sky and sun, or wondrous, magical snowflakes falling like blessings from the sky.

I still haven't actually been skiing yet. Maybe Monday. I am enjoying writing too much. And day by day, my output is remaining high. Yesterday was a long, hard day. I hit an important point and wanted to just get it right. It will need re-working, and the end was rushed. But I was pleased with a solid day's work.

A book on forgiveness needs light and shade. You have to deal with things that need forgiving. They have to be faced. And if everything gets forgiven too quickly, everyone looks at it and goes, "but my life isn't like that", which won't do. Yet the power of what Jesus has done for us has to shine through, or the weight of what we face is too much. It's a balance. There will be time at the end to adjust if I need to. Yesterday was a day to face tough things. Today will take that further. Tomorrow - is Sunday, the joy of worship and Matthew 17, the transfiguration, which will be great.

Thanks for the prayers. I appreciate it.